Rookie Networking Mistakes

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Oops! Road Sign

One thing that career veterans have in common with college students or recent graduates is that we were, at one time, networking rookies.

Like rookies at pro football training camp, students must learn how to network at corporate events with executives, which is somewhat different than networking or meeting people at college mixers.

As in any sport, rookies tend to make mistakes, and that’s okay. The important thing is to learn from them.

The key to networking is preparation and practice. Makes a world of difference.  Remembering to breathe helps too.

Avoid these Rookie Networking Mistakes:

 

M.C. STAMMERER

“I, um – ah –ya, know, like, I was wondering about, like your work, like, what do you do?” “Like?”

Suggestion: Leave, like, maybe, some of those, um, words out, ya know.

Take time to prepare before you attend a networking event.  Remember, this is similar to meeting anyone new: introduce yourself, have questions to ask and topics to discuss; have your thirty- second “elevator pitch” ready.  Act interested in what people have to say.

This is not about you finding an internship or job this minute. This is about building a relationship or connection that could lead to a job prospect down the road.

 

MR. FLY-BY-THE-SEAT-OF-MY-PANTS

Rookie: “I’m studying photography so I want an internship with a ‘good’ photographer.”

Executive: “What kind of photography would you like to do?”

Rookie: “I don’t care. I just want an internship. “

Of course you care! At least you should.

By literally saying, “I don’t care”, if you’re really lucky you may find yourself scrubbing toilets for the “good” photographer while he personally works with the student who said they have a passion to learn how to light a subject correctly.

An internship is a two to three month opportunity to get experience with no strings attached. This does not have to be the work that defines you for the next thirty years.  Pick one or two areas of interest and speak up!

“I really enjoy photographing people and their animals. I would also like to learn more about the proper way to use lighting, both inside and outside”.  

I suspect that’s what the “good” photographer wants to hear.

This is your career, your life, you’re talking about. If you don’t care, no one else will.

 

PLAY DEFENSIVE TACKLE

This should go without saying but I’ve had this happen to me a few times.

Never criticize the employer of someone you just met. Never criticize a policy, an advertisement, the CEO, not one thing.

First, that person may be responsible for what you just criticized. And besides, you’ve now just put them on the defensive when you should be trying to win them over.

Smooth; real smooth.

 

MY CLOTHES WERE DIRTY SO I’M WEARING MY PJ’S

I’m not sure how many more times I can write about this; it’s driving me crazy because this should be obvious. At each event I attend there is at least one person that has yet to receive the memo.

Dress appropriately for a business networking event.

It’s simple, people! Iron your clothes. Brush your hair. Tuck in your shirt. Put on a belt. Wear shoes, not rubber flip flops.  Slacks, not shorts.

Jackets and ties are not required but concert t-shirts are a “no”. Clean, polished shoes. And ladies, if you can’t walk well in those high-heels, opt for something lower.

Please. I’m begging you.

 

WE ARE EXECUTIVES, NOT PSYCHICS

Business networking events are interesting. Career veterans are like politicians working the room, smiling, shaking hands, passing out business cards.

Rookies are shuffling their feet with their heads down or maybe standing quietly on the sidelines like wallflowers.

If I’m at an event with rookies, I generally introduce myself first and present my business card as sort of an ice-breaker. I get it; rookies are nervous.  I remember because I was a rookie at one time.

Yet we career veterans can only hold the conversation for so long, trying to guess the questions rookies want to ask us. It really helps if rookies are prepared for networking with a list of questions to ask; they can actually refer to the list if they need to.  It makes for a much more productive conversation for everyone.we don’t mind helping.

We just can’t read your mind.

 

IT’S NETWORKING; NOT INSTANT GRATIFICATION

Remember that networking is about building a relationship, something that usually takes time. We meet people at school, at work, through church and volunteer organizations or social activities, and over time we learn about each other.

A clear rookie networking mistake is when someone meets me for the first time, we’ve barely introduced ourselves, and the first question they ask is, “Do you know of any jobs for me?”

No, I don’t; we’ve just met and I know nothing about you.

Take time to know me and what it is that I do. Tell me about yourself and what you do or want to do. Let that sit for a while.  Let’s exchange business cards and stay connected on LinkedIn.

Then, when you see a job that interests you and realize that I have a connection at that company, ask me to make an introduction.

Now that’s networking.

Have You Cracked the Networking Code?

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When I was first starting out, I had no idea what it meant to network.  This is the stuff they talked about in business school yet failed to teach.

Don’t laugh but I honestly thought that networking was akin to sales cold-calling.  Since my only experience meeting new people was during our weekly after-work happy hours, I assumed that networking was similar.

Networking to me meant surveying the bar to find a friendly-looking person, grab my business card and go introduce myself.

We were already dressed in our business professional attire. We had business cards with us. This HAD to be what they were talking about, right?

Yeah, it was awkward.

And I wondered why I never got any dates.  Or made any business connections.

Luckily for me I was already networking; I just didn’t know it.

Every year I sent Christmas cards to a huge list that included relatives, friends from high school, college and business school, as well as friends of my parents that I had known since childhood.  That list expanded to include work colleagues and business associates.

Periodically I would call or email someone I hadn’t seen in a while to say hello; that would lead to lunch or dinner to catch-up in person.

As I worked my way up the corporate ladder and made business connections with suppliers, I kept their names and phone numbers in my Filofax long before we had smart phones.

I employed the same techniques with business colleagues as I did with my friends, periodically emailing or calling them or having lunch with them, even long after I had moved on to other jobs.  And I continued this relationship-building everywhere I worked.

After many years of doing this, a colleague heard me mention that Hubby and I send out hundreds of Christmas cards.  My colleague said, “You are so well-connected!”

That was the first time I ever thought that I might have cracked the networking code.

There it is; the secret of networking.  I’ve laid it out for you.

What; it’s still not clear?  Let me say it a different way:  Communicate with people you know and meet; do this regularly.

Networking, at a basic level, is keeping up with the people you know and meet.  To take it to the next level, you build a relationship with those people through work or friendships or however it is you know them.

The key is staying connected. I’m not gonna lie; it takes work to keep these relationships going.  But that’s what networking is about; building a relationship; one that is strong enough so when you need a favor like, “Will you recommend me for a job?” your network is willing and able to help.

Think you don’t have a network?  I bet you do.

Sit down and start listing all of your close friends and relatives. Then branch out to other friends; your sisters’ friends; your parents’ friends. Then everyone you know at your current job; everyone at your last job and the job before that, and so on.  List as many people as you can remember from college; your classmates, sorority or fraternity pals; friends from any clubs you belonged to, sports teams you played on, etc.  List people you know at your church, any volunteer organizations you work with, etc.

How does your list look now?  Do you have some connections?  I know you do.

And you know what?  Your connections have connections.  That’s how this starts.  Your connections can introduce you to more connections.

Remember to carry business cards with you at all times, even to a funeral (I wrote a post about this; check it out here).  You never know where or when you might meet someone.

Look at you; you’ve just cracked the networking code.  I knew you could do it.

Love Me; Love My Personality

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Box with a Hamburger and French Fries

My first job outside of babysitting was at McDonalds.  It was a dream job for me at that time in my life – a teenager working at a fast-food restaurant, with free meals.  Heaven!

My biggest challenge at this job, aside from the fact that I was not even five feet tall and looked like I was twelve, was that I was shy and unsure of myself. McDonalds needed outgoing and confident. 

In an attempt to mold me into the model employee, the manager had me stand a good distance back from the register watching for the front door to open.  As soon as a customer set one foot in the door, I had to shout, “Welcome to McDonalds! May I take your order?” 

While no one was particularly upset with this aggressive approach, I did encounter a few snickers as customers were hoping to actually get inside before being pressured into making a burger decision that could affect the rest of their day.

At my first job out of grad school, I had to learn to become even more decisive and assertive as I took charge of my department.

Neither of these jobs really changed my personality – I actually already had it in me; I just needed the confidence to find my voice.

And find my voice I did.  As I gained experience and matured, my personality came out of its shell.  Gone is the girl who was too shy to say much in the halls at high school, letting others take the lead;  she’s been replaced with a woman who is not afraid to introduce herself to strangers, state her opinions, take charge and make decisions.

Those who know me now think I’ve always been this way, shouting hamburger greetings to customers before they step in the door.

My confident and assertive personality characteristics have served me well in life as well as my career.  In fact it’s one of the reasons I am hired.

Yet there are times when I feel pressure to modify my personality – especially at work – in an attempt to match the expectations of others.  Those around me want my personality and all that comes with it; they just want it to appear only when it serves them best.

I’ve got to say that this doesn’t work for me.  And believe me, I’ve tried.  It’s as though what makes me “me” is valued only as long as it can be tweaked

In this day and age it seems like everyone wants a lukewarm personality; one that’s neither hot nor cold, but watered down.  More passive than assertive; one that’s always trying to say or do or be what others expect of them.

That’s like walking on eggshells to me, trying to figure out the right words for fear of being received the wrong way.   The result?  At best, unclear communications; at worst, employees who are afraid of being themselves and showing their true personality.

Why can’t we just be ourselves, with the personality package that the employer wanted in the first place? You know, “Love me, love my personality”?

I started noticing this trend some years ago and hoped it was just the company I was at or possibly a phase.  Unfortunately it’s becoming the norm.

Not sure if it’s the result of the millennial generation who never heard the word “no”, with every person receiving praise and a trophy no matter how poorly they performed, or if it’s just our culture evolving because we are too afraid to say what we mean (in an appropriate tone, of course) for fear of being politically “incorrect”.

Whatever it is, I long for the days of direct communication without fear.  How great would it be to know that it’s okay to be stern, happy, serious, excited, frustrated, and even, if the situation warrants, mad, at the office?  

Like my first job at McDonald’s, it’s time to remove the gloves and allow everyone to show off their true personalities.

Maybe we’d rediscover clear communication if we were allowed to express ourselves.  Wouldn’t that be something?

Reading Between the Lines

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I’m not good at reading between the lines. Vagueness or ambiguity is totally lost on me. That’s probably why I was not too good at dating.  Never understood why guys could not be honest and direct enough to say, “You’re nice but I’d just rather be friends”.  Tough words to hear, but much better than waiting to see if he’s going to call you again. 

This hasn’t changed for me, even in marriage. Hubby learned the hard way that it’s best to just man-up and tell me what’s on his mind.  Otherwise my mind will come up with all sorts of crazy notions about what he wants to say, which are usually wrong, and we’ll end up having a rather loud and lively “discussion” with tears flowing and the dog cowering under the bed.  Definitely not fun.  

When I started my career, business communications were right up my alley: clear, concise and direct.  I was expected to be tough and get the job done. Best to ask questions, recap meetings and lay it all out there so everyone understands the expectations. Doesn’t seem too hard, does it?  My mantra became, “say what you mean and mean what you say”. In a nice way, of course. There’s usually a way to get your point across without being rude. 

Some years ago I noticed a trend away from direct communications, even in business discussions.  Seems like everyone is afraid of offending others by being too direct, and in an attempt to be super nice, we’ve lost our ability to communicate with clarity. 

At work I’ve always said that if you want to ask me to lunch, just ask me.  If you come to my office and say, “I really like pizza”, I think you’re just making a statement – although sort of an odd one at work.  Never would I think that you are trying to tell me “grab your purse so we can head to the cafeteria”.

Why do I have to say “I’m reaching out to someone” instead of “I’m calling him”?  What does “so we’re good, right” mean?  Whatever happened to clearly stating what you need, so the recipient has a good understanding of your expectations?  At least with clear direction, the recipient can ask questions.  Some communications are so vague they are open for interpretation, which is not good for either side.

Recently I’ve noticed that I’m starting to move to “the dark side” in an attempt to fit in with the new corporate culture, using vague communications so as to not offend anyone with my direct-but-polite approach. Yet all this has done is got me in trouble.  A recent email I sent went something like this:

What I said: “Based on yesterday’s discussion, we need to organize and host the upcoming meeting. Would you like to take the lead on this?”  Notice my super-nice phrase, “take the lead” – nothing wrong here, right? After all, I wouldn’t want to insult the recipient by spelling out my expectations, would I?

What I meant: “Will you be the point person to manage this project and all that’s included to see this to completion, such as inviting attendees, developing the agenda, ordering food and preparing the presentation or assigning others to help in the presentation?”     

The response I got: I would love to be there, thanks for inviting me. I’d be happy to show them around the office.

HUH?  This person either totally misunderstood my uber-polite email, which is scary in itself, OR this is an uber-polite-yet-so-subtle-that-I-don’t-get-it way of saying, “No, I’m not able to/interested in taking the lead on this project”.   

I used to think this was mainly an issue with younger people, those who have been brought up never hearing the word “no”, always believing they are “winners”, the ones with parents who coddled them a bit too much.  But I’ve noticed it in older employees too.  Maybe it’s a function of career path – I started out in a traditional, well-established business environment that had structure, and clear communication may have been easier to learn than if my career had begun at a small start-up company where things were done on the fly without much organization. 

However this trend began, I know I’m not a fan.  Seems like we’re either writing fluffy emails or tip-toeing around with our spoken words, fearful that we may come across as negative or hurt someone’s feelings if we use more direct communication. The result is often misunderstanding and confusion and we end up spending more time trying to clarify our meaning than if we had been clear and concise to begin with. Ugh.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. That’s all I’m gonna say.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved