Bouncing Back After a Job Loss – The Video

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This week I’m coming to you in person!  Well, sort of.  Recently I had the pleasure of hosting a Google Hangout for The Resume Edge titled, “How to Bounce Back After Losing Your Job”.  Questions came in from viewers and we had a great discussion.

This week I thought you might like to “hear” me instead of “read” me for a change as I discuss bouncing back after a job loss . So grab a coffee, sit back and enjoy!

The link to the video can be accessed here on my site or through this YouTube link, or by searching YouTube with “How to Bounce Back After Losing Your Job”.

Embracing Change

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Brrr! When I woke up this morning the temperature had dropped to twenty nine degrees.  Yesterday it was eighty and I was rockin’ flip-flops.  Today we will reach thirty-two if we’re lucky.  But just wait: according to the forecast, tomorrow’s high will be seventy-nine.

That’s Texas for you. If you don’t like the weather just wait a day because it will change.

One of the benefits of my first job out of grad school is that I learned to adapt to change.  We were expected to change jobs within the company every three years on average.  We would master one job, and move on to the next.  From the beginning we could see our career path laid out before us.  It was succession planning at its best.

You know what I learned from that?  Apparently I like change.  Sort of like the old saying, “A rolling stone gathers no moss”, I find myself itching for something new after a few years.

Hubby can rest easy. This does not apply to our relationship, although I will admit to wanting to infuse change into our home in the form of new furniture.  Talk about an expensive change!

For my career, change doesn’t have to involve leaving; it can mean a new position within the same company.  I would just like some advancement or newness – anything to keep from feeling like I’m in a rut.

As a consultant, change is part of my job. While I’m working for one client, I’m constantly in “new business development mode” scouting for work.  My friend calls it the “Fish while you eat” business model.  Even working on retainer for clients, at some point the agreement ends and I’m off to my next gig.

With consultant as my title, simply walking into a company can signal “change” for long-term employees.  Even though I’m only there to help, my presence can trigger fear.  And sometimes distrust. I want to scream, “I’m not like the Bob’s in the movie Office Space!”  (Great movie if you haven’t seen it; well worth the rental)

Yet change is inevitable and we all need to adapt to it.

I made an interesting observation between two clients.  One was well-established, with a mature employee base, probably in the upper forties.  The other was a start-up consisting of Gen Y-ers and Millenials, with the oldest person in their mid-thirties.

At the more established company, I sensed that some of the workers were skeptical of my presence, wondering what I was doing and why I was brought in to help.  Didn’t matter that it had nothing to do with them and that no jobs were in jeopardy.  Any comment I had or request that I made was “change”, and we all know that change is fear.

The younger, start-up company was all about change.  After all, they were plowing into uncharted territory. They were going to succeed or die trying. But fear, if was there any, was hiding.  There was an “all hands on deck” mentality, and I was immediately brought onto the team.  Change was welcomed.

I hope I never lose my ability to embrace change!

Fear of change starts to creep in as we mature.  Even though I like change, lately I’ve found that even I have to push myself to fight through any fear.

I talk a lot about career reinvention at speaking engagements.  Unfortunately I see this fear of change happen a lot, especially to those who have been laid-off or simply want to make a career change. They let fear take over. My guess is that it’s not that they doubt their capabilities, but movement of any kind – either forced through a layoff or on their own – means change.  Which is uncomfortable. And scary.

And that’s unfortunate.

These people are missing out on so much.  Learning, meeting new people, trying something new.  Living. Succeeding.

Yes, they could fail. But what if they succeed?

Let’s all try to embrace change; make it our friend. The more we get to know change the better we will like it.

And that’s a big step in the right direction.

 

Five Truths About Unemployment That Everyone Should Know

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The job market is getting a lot of attention again these days.  The unemployment rate is either up or down, depending on the day of the week it seems.  There are still layoffs – Macy’s just announced one.  Another report I read stated that companies, fearful of the economy, may be slow to hire despite the fact that business has picked up.

We hear all about the business side of unemployment, yet almost nothing about the less tangible effects.  Although these sometimes are more powerful than anything else, because they affect us on a personal level.  Yes, there is more to unemployment that losing a job.

Here are five truths about unemployment that everyone should know:

It’s boring.  That’s right; being unemployed is boring. I know you’re shocked to hear this, huh?  After all, who hasn’t stated at one point or another that being laid off would allow time to do all sorts of great things, from cleaning out the closets, to spending time at the gym, to writing the great American novel.

Truth be told, without the pressure of deadlines looming, we tend to procrastinate even more than we did when we were busy at work.  Besides, we didn’t really want to clean, or spend time at the gym.  And it turns out that for most people, writing the great American novel sounds like fun but after the first paragraph it’s a bit dull.

Shopping is out of the question as we try to conserve resources. With boredom setting in, we allow the TV and couch to draw us into their cocoon as we curl up to watch endless hours of Honey Boo-Boo.

It’s Socially Challenging. In more ways than one, I might add. First, we lose our identity when we lose our job.  I’ve talked about this before – we all say we’re not defined by our jobs, but just wait till that first encounter with a friend or former colleague who asks, “So where are you/what are you doing now?”

Take my advice: Develop your answer and practice saying it out loud before you leave the house, so it rolls off the tongue instead of causing you to mumble something like, “Uh, I, um..well, I used to… I mean…I…now I, uh, play computer solitaire.”

Our social network is suddenly diminished without our jobs.  The loss of daily interaction with others – even if they are only FAW’s (Friends at Work) – can be stifling.  Our friends aren’t available for us; they are busy working or raising a family or have other obligations.

Desperate for contact, we find ourselves reaching out to anyone who will listen, striking up conversations with random strangers in the grocery store and at the gym.  For me, the dog has become a source of companionship although I think she’s giving me a hint to stop talking when she wanders off to her crate while I’m in the middle of a story.

It’s Emotional.  This one is a bit surprising in that it’s not just one emotion but a series of emotions that happen over time. We try to put up a brave front with friends, telling them we are fine, we’ve got several “irons in the fire” and are “looking into some opportunities”, because we are never sure exactly which emotion is in control at that moment.

Similar to other life events, a job loss can trigger a flood of feelings including anger, embarrassment, sadness, bitterness, happiness, self pity, loss of confidence, and fear.   The emotions come in waves, and you have to ride each wave all the way.  True happiness eventually comes, although it takes some time.

Warning: Don’t be fooled by immediate feelings of happiness due to new-found free time. Happiness is fickle and will make you feel giddy one minute, then crash down around you the next.  Heaven forbid you are hormonal at the same time.

It’s Work.  And you thought your job was full of pressure?  Try full-time job searching and networking, not to mention keeping track of who you’ve spoken with and which companies you’ve applied to.  If you’re like me and add consulting or part time work to your schedule, it’s really busy!  The calendar of coffee dates alone is enough to drive you nuts. Of course that might just be the caffeine talking.  I’ve found it best to stick to decaf.

It’s Filled with Uncertainty.  Financial uncertainty for sure – duh, that should go without saying.  Then there’s the bigger question of “When will I find another job?” Because that, of course, plays into the financial uncertainty.

This is followed closely by a series of questions designed to keep you awake at night with your stomach in knots.   “What kind of job?” “At what point should I just take any job?” “How low do I have to go when it comes to salary?”  “Will I have to move to another city?”  Sometimes this uncertainty takes a nap during daylight, only to return when you are ready to sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

One thing is certain: a job loss is life-changing.  Hopefully it changes you for the better. Just remember that there’s more to unemployment that losing a job.

Unemployment Déjà Vu

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Ever experience déjà vu?  That funny, strange sensation that you’ve been in exactly the same situation before?

It’s completely unsettling and it messes with your mind.  I’m experiencing déjà vu right now – either that or those holiday brownies someone sent us are a bit off.  I’m sitting in my home office, a cold wind blowing outside, computer fired up and once again I find myself in a job search situation.

Hello, unemployment, my old friend!  I’ve come to visit you again.  Wait, that sounds like an old Simon and Garfunkel song.  

True, I’ve been to the Land of Layoff before, but this time something feels different. More relaxed, maybe?  Less stressful?  I hope I’m not settling into indifference or defeat.

No, it’s more of a confidence, which seems like an odd feeling to have when one is looking for a job.

I guess there’s some comfort – if that’s a good word here – in having done this before.  I’ve got experience and I know what steps to take, unlike before, when I put on a brave face but was a bit all-over-the-board when it came to knowing what to do.

Having a sense of calm is a good thing when it comes to a job search.  I’m finding that it allows me to think more clearly, outlining my job search strategy and work the plan, rather than throwing spaghetti against the wall to see if anything sticks.

My confidence is higher this time around – I know that not only will I find another opportunity, but it will be a great opportunity.  And if it takes some time?  I know that I will find small jobs to fill in the gaps.

Most important is that I’m not panicking.  This is a bit like revisiting a favorite vacation destination, the place you go to year after year and know so well.  I should be good at this, since Hubby and I visit the same place each summer.  Friends wonder why we do this, and we can sum it up in one word: experience.

With experience visiting the same place, we know what to expect.  We know what to pack and what to leave at home; we know exactly what to do when we get there, where to eat, what to see and how to manage our time to get the maximum return on our vacation.

While I hope my visit to the Land of Layoff is a short one, at least this time I know my way around. I’ve got my strategy down and am working the plan; there’s no room for panic. This is simply another stop in my career journey.

I’m optimistic, and the rest of you visiting the Land of Layoff should be too. Get your plan in place and start working or re-work the plan you have, if necessary.  I’ll be right there with you.

2014 is going to be a great year!

Simplify: My Word For 2014

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Happy New Year!  I don’t know about you, but I am so ready to greet 2014 and to kick 2013 to the curb.  2013 wasn’t the worst year, but it certainly was challenging and I’m ready to move on.

How ready am I to move on?  So ready that I’m trying to purge anything that’s unwanted, unused and unnecessary.  In fact, I was just telling Hubby that my word for 2014 is “simplify”.  It seems like I have let things take control of my space and therefore me, and it’s time to regain control.

Nowhere is the need to simplify more apparent than in the home office, specifically my desk area.  While I desperately want to make things easier for myself, the decorating scheme for my desk can best be described as “professionally cluttered”.

Seriously, if you could see my desk and office right now, it’s awful.  Stacks of notes with ideas for new writing posts, all sorts of “to-dos”, half-started projects and papers stacked a foot high, things strewn across the floor, etc.  I’m thinking I might just purge everything and start over.

Honestly, if I haven’t looked at it in months – okay, at least a year – why am I hanging on to it?  Sentimentality?  Come on, it’s just paper!

Since I don’t make New Year’s resolutions (I tend to break them before I get started), perhaps applying the word simplify to everything I do will help.

Just simplify, I tell myself.

Good news is that every year around this time I get energized to do all sorts of organization projects. This “end-of-year/beginning-of-year organizing” spurt has already started and I’m ready to kick some serious butt in the home office in order to simplify my life.

Not sure if it’s due to the cold weather that forces me inside, or if it’s my way of trying to start the New Year off on a positive note.  Whatever it is, I have to take advantage of the energy while it’s here because all of a sudden it will turn off, just like a spigot, and the projects will languish until the following January.

All of this energy scares Hubby – he sees dollar signs; I see an organized sanctuary.  But I need his presence while I organize and simplify my desk; someone for me to lean on in case I get weak and try to save the stack of stuff instead of throwing it away.

Hubby agrees and also decides to adopt the mantra “simplify” for 2014.  Grabbing two containers for recycling and trash, we dig in.  We also set a timer that keeps ticking, so we know we are on the clock – no time for dilly-dallying.

Our work is like an archeological dig. “Just found our tax stuff from two years ago”, says Hubby.  Well that’s a keeper.  “Why do I have a Starbucks receipt from last year?” I ask.  Rapid fire, we sort through the stacks of papers, making great progress.

Then we come to the big stack on my desk.  The notes.  The ones I’d been saving; my inspiration for future writing.  All the witty ideas I was going to use at some point but so far had never touched.  My hands were on the stack, but I was frozen in place.

“Come on,” coaxed Hubby.  “You can do it, just like you said you wanted to – simplify things and throw it all away”.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek.  “What if I need something here? What if I have writer’s block and I need an idea?” I whispered.

“You’ll have plenty of ideas; you always do”, says Hubby.  “Remember the goal is to simplify. Be like Nike and Just Do It”.

While Hubby held the trash bag, I let out a little scream while I dumped the stack of paper.  My notes. And anything else that happened to be in the stack.

With that out of the way, we continued straightening and within a couple of hours the office and both of our desks looked better than they had in years.  We can actually see the tops of the desks.  It’s a Christmas miracle! 

Simplify – I already feel better, and just sitting at a clean desk makes me feel more productive.

I want to simplify my job search as well.  Sometimes it’s easy to complicate the process by failing to have a strategy and losing focus, making it more difficult that it should be. I’ve already started a written to-do list – in one notebook, not on hundreds of sticky notes – and I start my day by looking at the list.  I’ll admit that this attempt at hyper-organization will be challenging, but I’m trying to make it work.  Organization, while arguably not my strong suit, is the key to simplification.

Hello, 2014!  I think this is going to be my year.

The Girl And The New Job Decision

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I had a big decision to make.  The magnitude of this decision weighed heavily on me, my head spinning as I ran through the options in my mind.

This seemed to be a great time to enlist the advice of trusted friends.  So I took a poll.

Do I cut my hair short, or continue to let it grow?

Yes, this was a major decision. To cut my hair or not.  After all, it takes a super long time to grow it out. Clearly this was a first-world problem, but it was important to me nonetheless.

To be clear, when it comes to my hair I’m not afraid of change. I’ve had it so long I could sit on it and so short it was almost a buzz-cut, and everything in between.

After all, it’s just hair and it does grow back.  I become very courageous in the stylist’s chair, proclaiming, “Do whatever you want!”  Most of the time, I’m lucky and walk out of the salon with an uber-stylish new ‘do.

Yet we all know that one miss-snip of the shears and we can be left with a hot mess.  And having bad hair is a downer every second of every day until it grows out.

This time I was on the fence with my decision, having spent the last year growing my hair.  It was time for a consultation. Not sure why I felt the need to get a focus group together for something as simple as a haircut.

Clearly my mind had been playing tricks on me, confusing my work projects with personal projects.

In the end, the decision was mine.  Didn’t matter what the focus group said; it’s my hair and I had to feel good about it.  Besides, there was no clear consensus among focus group participants. Shocker.

The problem with involving too many people in the decision process is just that we all have different opinions.  It may be that we really don’t want to hear the opinions of others; we may simply want validation for a decision that we’ve already made in our head.

Same thing is true for a new job decision.  We need to decide for ourselves what is best for us.

It’s okay to have a trusted advisor or two to provide an outside, objective opinion and strategic counsel.  We don’t want to make a job decision that’s based on emotion; sometimes we get so fired up about a job that we’re too close to the situation to be objective.

But the advisor’s job should be simply to provide a sounding board.  No interjecting their own biases as if they were the ones standing in your shoes.

Don’t get me wrong; friends want to help and think they have our best interests in mind.  Yet they don’t really know everything about our situation.

I’ve made this mistake before, consulting others about a new job decision.

Once, when I had to make a difficult decision to leave one job in pursuit of something totally different, a former colleague offered unsolicited advice about my decision.  And it was not pretty. This person said I was making a mistake, along with some other opinions about my career.

While I understood why my colleague would consider it a mistake for her family and financial situation, she failed to understand that my situation was very different from hers.

That was pretty much a “friend fail”, in my mind.  Note that this “advice” didn’t help me, nor did I change my mind.  It momentarily caused me to question myself – which is never good – yet ultimately it was a good lesson. It reminded me that it’s my life and my career, and I have to live with the results.

Just like my hair.  Which I did cut short, by the way.  And I’m loving it.

It’s OK to Take a Break

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Not sure where the time goes.  Suddenly I realized it was time for my twice yearly girls’ weekend, when we all go to a B&B for a few days of crafting, eating, talking, eating, watching chick flicks and – you guessed it –  more eating. These weekends are a great chance to reconnect with good friends who I rarely get to see due to our schedules and distance.

Yet this time, instead of looking forward to the weekend, I found myself frustrated and regretting my decision to attend.  It had nothing to do with seeing my friends.  It was all about my to-do list that was at least a mile long and growing.  In addition, I had no idea what creative project I was going to work on.

Usually I’m eager to pull out my scrapbooking stuff and work on a vacation album.  Not this time.  Disorganized, I hadn’t touched my stuff since the last girls’ weekend six months earlier.  I’d been so busy with work, speaking engagements, volunteering and family, it felt like the energy and creativity had literally been sucked out of me.

I contemplated not going.  I considered bringing my laptop instead of my scrapbooks so I could work on my writing.  I wondered if I could simply hide in one of the bedrooms and catch up on much-needed sleep.  Mostly I just wanted to stay home, convinced that this was the worst possible time for me to leave.

How would I get my writing done?  What would I put in a scrapbook?  Would I even have anything fun to talk about with my friends? 

“But you always love to go,” said Hubby.  “Think of the fun you’ll have once you are there.”  Easy for you to say, I thought to myself as I reluctantly packed my things.  My only thought was that I was wasting valuable time I could spend at my computer.

To be completely honest, recently I had begun to feel like my work and writing was suffering.  Maybe it was just too much to do; maybe I had “lost my touch”.  It even crossed my mind that maybe I had become lazy.  Whatever was happening to me, it seemed like a really bad time for me to attend a girls’ weekend of fun.

Or was it?

I had plenty of time to think about this in the car.  Maybe Hubby was right, I thought.  I remembered that I took a break from the job search when I was laid-off, and it turned out to be the right move. Perhaps this situation was similar; maybe I needed a break from everything for a couple days to spend quality creative time with my friends.  I slowly started to relax.

Upon arrival I was greeted by smiles and laughter as my friends all gathered around.  Shoes were replaced by comfortable slippers as we all talked at once, trying to catch up.  Paper, paste, photographs, stickers and all sorts of creativity began as we plugged in the first of many chick flicks.  Food and drinks were abundant, truly the sign of a great gathering.

It took me a bit to shake the creative cobwebs from my head but I managed to get my photos organized and a new scrapbook started.  I enjoyed visiting with my friends and realized how much I value their friendship.

My scrapbook didn’t get finished, although that’s not important.  What matters is that I took a break – mentally and physically – from my normal routine.  Something I should do more often.  The computer, work and everything else can wait.

Remember this story if you find yourself on-edge during a job search.  Sometimes a break – even a short one – can put us back on track.

Stretchy Pants – They’re Not Just for Women Anymore

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My first job out of grad school was working in the buying office of a major fashion retailer.  “Dressing for Success” took on a whole new meaning since it was expected that we would wear the clothes, look the part, walk-the-walk and talk-the-talk.  Every day was a fashion show at work, with everyone dressed in their finest. No such thing as wearing out-dated fashions; only the newest styles would do. This was a great environment for a fashionista like me, a natural-born shopper who always wanted (and still wants) to wear the latest trends.

At the time, the biggest challenge was having the money to purchase said trends.  After all, I had student loans and a car payment on top of normal living expenses, and my salary didn’t exactly match the price tags on the clothes.  Somehow I made it work and enjoyed strutting my stuff down the halls of the office as though I were on a fashion show catwalk.  Never mind that at the towering height of 5’2” I wasn’t anywhere close to being a model, at least I could pretend by wearing designer clothes.

Several companies later and my interest in wearing the latest fashions at work has calmed a bit.  Especially with the trend towards “business casual”, although I still haven’t quite figured out what that really means. I think it’s a secret code for “wear whatever you want”.  Even though I have become accustomed to “business casual”, I have always tried to be fashion-forward.

Then the lay-off hit and I began consulting, which meant working from home.  No longer would anyone see me strut my stuff at work.  Just the dog, and quite honestly, the only interest she’s ever shown in my clothing is to try and shed as much as possible on me.  In her mind, no outfit is complete unless it is accessorized by dog hair.

Because of the layoff I discovered what many of you who work from home already knew: it doesn’t matter what you wear at home.  Jeans, gym clothes – even PJ’s – make the cut.  Unless you’re on a video Skype, there’s no reason NOT to be comfortable.  And for many of us, that means stretchy pants.  Women have known since the ‘80’s that stretchy pants may not always make a fashion statement but at least they are comfortable.  We’ve always had this as “our little secret”, something only for girls.

Boy was I surprised to recently find out that our little secret is out, ladies.  Guys apparently have stretchy pants too, and are not afraid to admit it.  This was recently revealed to me by a male colleague who freely stated that working at home was great because he could be comfortable in his stretchy pants.  After I stopped laughing, I realized he was serious.

Let me stop you before you start pinging me with comments like, “He’s probably over-weight, older, not fashion conscious and still single”.  You would be correct only in that he’s single, but I’m pretty sure that’s by choice.  This colleague is handsome, twenty-something and not a pound over-weight.  At least from what I can tell; I try not to stare too much.  He’s a new colleague and I don’t want to appear too “Mrs. Robinson”, not to mention that Hubby is my prince charming.  I’m only interested in this because I didn’t think young, hip guys knew about stretchy pants.

In all fairness to my new colleague, Hubby has his version of stretchy pants which he has dubbed, “sit-around-naked-pants” – meaning they are so comfortable it’s like wearing nothing at all, which he would never do because that would be just wrong or creepy.  Not in a fifty-shades kind of way, but, you know what I mean.  Sigh…Hubby is not going to like this post.

All this to say that whether you’ve been laid-off and are looking for work, or simply working from the comfort of your home office, one of the benefits is  wearing what you want without worrying about putting on a fashion show.

Stretchy pants – they’re not just for women anymore.

Balancing Act: My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

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This year I succumbed to peer pressure and got an iPad.  Actually, Hubby bought me the iPad as a gift. He probably thought he would get to use it too, and actually loaded the connection to his email on the device. LOL! As if he would be able to pry it from my hands.

Truthfully, I wanted to be part of the “in” crowd, with the latest technology, even though I really wasn’t sure why I needed this device when my laptop and iPhone were always close at hand.

The benefits of this device?

–          I look cool and super-important while I surf the net at Starbucks

–          Shopping – of course I just had to get an awesome case for it – but I discovered that I can online shop just about anywhere now. Sweet!

–          My shoulder loves it! No need to struggle to carry the brick that’s my laptop when I travel, since my iPad allows me to stay connected, read attachments, etc.

–          Multi-tasking: watch TV, chat with Hubby and keep up with FB all from the comfort of the couch

The downside:

–          I. Am. Always. Connected.

How did I fall for this trap?  Wasn’t it enough to own a smart phone, that’s almost surgically attached to my hand?

This wonderful, yet wicked, device with its awesome technology added another layer of complexity to my already action-packed life.  While I’m not a true follower of the zodiac, I do believe I have some traits of my sign.  As a Libra (the Scale), I really prefer that things are balanced.   I am passionate about my work as well as my personal life, and I don’t want one getting more attention than the other.  Yes there are times when one is busier.  But that’s OK; I can handle chaos at work if home is calm. Likewise, chaos at home is fine as long as work is calm.   But with all this connectivity, it seems like I’m never able to enjoy the calm.

Work is always on fire. Part of that is my chosen profession and while I love it, I’m making a note to myself: next career, try to pick something that’s not always a fire-drill.    Hubby/family/friends are a top priority at home.  Layer on top of that my passion for writing, including my recently published book, and I find myself always out of balance, running from one project to the next without any down-time.

It’s definitely harder to balance the three-legged stool of work-home-personal projects.  Yet there has to be a way to do it.  I’ve said before that the obvious solution would be to eliminate something.  For me, it’s been more difficult since I experienced being laid off.  The fear of being without a job is still top of mind, so I push myself to do more in the same amount of time.  Definitely a losing proposition.

My goal now is to try and create boundaries that allow for all areas of my life.  I don’t know how I’m going to achieve this, but it’s worth fighting for.  We all need to take breaks – even just an evening off, or a whole day if possible.  And vacations that take me away from it all are a must!

I’ve started to wean myself from connectivity for short periods of time.  After all, I’m not the leader of the free world so I doubt that I’m really needed at any second of the day. Not peeking at an electronic device is much harder than I thought.  Hubby and I try to hide our smart phones while dining so we can focus on each other, although we slip sometimes.  Slowly I’m getting used to not bringing my iPad, including the fun case, when I go for coffee, hoping that I’ll sip my beverage and clear my mind.

Baby steps, I tell myself.  Baby steps.

You’re Not the Boss of Me

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Little kids, especially toddlers, are fearless, aren’t they?  Not necessarily in a physical sense, like being unafraid of climbing the highest tree or skating downhill without a plan for stopping.  I’m thinking more about how they approach life.  While they understand a pecking order and that the very tall people (a.k.a. parents, older relatives, teachers) seem to make the rules, kids in general are willing to push limits with the tall people to make their voice heard in an attempt to get what they want. 

You know what I’m talking about.  There’s a phrase that I bet most children have shouted, muttered or pouted at one time or another. It’s usually uttered after a tall person has tried to tell them what to do.   With much foot stomping, tears, little fists held high and as much drama as they can muster, they let out “You’re not the boss of me!”

At this point, tall people – especially those who are not the parents – try to hide their laughter and maintain some sense of hierarchy to calm the one-person mutiny that is underway. 

While I don’t have kids of my own, I know this from my nieces and nephews.  Even my dog says “You’re not the boss of me”, although hers is more of an evil-eye, like “You may have stopped me from chewing the couch now, but I’ll leave you a present someday when you least expect it”. 

As adults, wouldn’t it be nice to have such a phrase to use at work?  I can see it now: sitting in a meeting with other execs, when the boss gives directions that no one wants to follow.  Wouldn’t it be great to say, “No, I’m not going to do that; you’re not the boss of me!”? 

Somehow I don’t think that would go over too well.

We are all used to the pecking order, and when a lay-off hits we find ourselves facing a new hierarchy.  Without a boss, I suddenly found myself in charge, especially since I began consulting.  Some call it self-motivation or being an entrepreneur, but all that really means is that you boss yourself. Great. It’s hard enough to have a boss or be a boss, but double the trouble if you are both employee and boss. Those conversations are pretty funny too.

“No, I’m not interested in working on this project”.  “But you have to; there’s no one else here to do it.”  “I’ll get to it when I feel like it.”  “No, you need to work on it now.”  “Don’t tell me what to do; I am the boss of me!”

These personal tantrums can go on indefinitely, with no one else to mediate.

At times I have felt like I have split personality disorder.  I’m sure the people at the local coffee house have wondered who I am talking to as I sit alone working on my laptop, having a heated discussion with no one about the work I am supposed to be doing.   

Unfortunately I AM the boss of me.  So I have to motivate myself to do work that sometimes I just don’t feel like doing.  How do I motivate myself?  Here are some tricks I use:

–          Set time limits. If I get my work done by X time, then I can go out to lunch vs. eating at home.  Food is always a good motivator for me.

–          Have small treats that feel like huge rewards.  For example, when I complete a certain portion of my work, I treat myself by spending 10 minutes sitting by the pool with the latest magazine.  Doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but even 10 minutes outside does wonders for me.  Besides, with temps in the triple digits, 10 minutes is about all I can take.

–          Sometimes I allow for “reverse motivation” – meaning, I’ll get up earlier than normal so I can read the paper over breakfast at the local coffee house (there’s that food motivator again).  It really doesn’t take much more time than eating at home, yet it feels like a wonderful treat to get motivated for the day. I mean, who doesn’t love a good pastry in the morning?

–          Schedule, schedule, schedule! Including other things during the work day, such as a specific time to go to the gym. The more things I have on my schedule, the more productive I actually become.  With deadlines to meet I know my work must be completed in order to make my gym time.  Of course, since I don’t like to go to the gym this can be counter-productive, although it does allow me to continue with my “morning treat” motivation listed above.    

Are these fool proof? No.  Do they prevent me from dilly-dallying and daydreaming, putting off work that needs to get done?  Sometimes, but not always.  Yet I need them to keep some sense of order, and provide some way to motivate myself to keep moving forward.  

Fun part is that I get to set the rules. After all, I am the boss of me.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved