Busting the Myth of Work-Life Balance

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Work life balanceI’m back! It’s good to be here. It’s been a longggg time. I’ve missed you, and this, working on my blog. So much has happened.

Let’s dive right in to something that’s been on my mind. You may be able to relate.

Work-life balance. Ever heard of it?

Maybe you read an article outlining how to achieve “work-life balance”. Or perhaps your job search goal was to find a position that would provide “work-life balance”.

I must tell you I seriously dislike the phrase, and here’s why:

Not only is it a myth; it’s a flat-out lie.

I think we – especially women – have been fed a line of bull when it comes to thinking we can somehow “have it all” in life.

Seriously. How is it possible to find true “balance” between career and home, at least by conventional standards?

Consider this: To have balance, two things must always be equal. All. The. Time.

Given that our work life and home life are not created equal to begin with, achieving balance between the two is doomed from the start.

Think about it: sometimes work will be crazy-busy, with a multi-million-dollar project and multiple deadlines. It will take every minute of every day, plus overtime to bring the project in on-time. You will do it because, well, that’s what it takes.

What about home?  The “balance pendulum” has shifted toward the office. There is no “balance” at home right now.

The good news is, the “balance pendulum” will swing back. That’s what a pendulum does; it swings back and forth.  At some point, home will require more of your attention and, mercifully, work will be calm enough to give you the time you need.

Pendulum shift, you know.

Some days it works beautifully. Others, not so much. On those days, it sucks.

If you call this, “work-life balance”, so be it.

I’d rather call this, “Work-Life Integration”.

It’s career and life. Not a balance, per se; more of an ebb and flow. Sometimes we focus more on career; sometimes we focus more on home. Most of the time, we try to weave both together to the best of our abilities.

Technology and flexible schedules provide for this work-life integration, making it easier to catch a child’s afternoon recital, assist aging parents, or meet with a home maintenance person. We can shift office productivity to after hours from virtually any location on our laptops. Again, integration vs. balance, since we’re still doing the work – and in many cases, actually working longer hours.

It’s important for each of us to recognize and understand that career and home are not equal. They will never be equal, on any given day or week.

As career women and men, together with our partners and spouses, we must determine how best to work through the ins and outs of integrating work with home; home with work.

The good news?

I believe it’s possible to be successful at work and at home. It’s not easy. It takes determination and hard work, as well as an understanding that personal compromises may have to happen both at home and on the career front.

Work-life integration. It’s not about balance. It’s about career and home simply working in tandem.

Win at Work by Knowing How to Act: the Academy Award Winning Performance

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mothers-day-649304_1280We all know actions speak louder than words, right?  How about acting?

What if I told you the key to winning at work is in knowing how to act?

I’m not talking about everyday politeness, keeping your work-space neat, and replacing the paper in the copier. This is deeper and requires us to develop a skill that we can use during the toughest times.

I’m talking about an Academy Award-Winning Performance.

Some people excel at this; others have to work really hard; others fail miserably. Successful business people learn the skill of the Academy Award Winning Performance and use it to their advantage.

I must confess that it took me awhile to understand this concept, and then to use it. Most of the time I get it right although sometimes my performance falls short.

When do you need to be ready with an Academy Award Winning Performance? Some examples include:

  • Putting on a brave face when your coworker receives the promotion you’ve been working towards.
  • Continuing to work hard, despite losing coworkers and friends during a layoff.
  • Maintaining professional composure when your boss or another exec unleashes a tirade about your work.

These are just a few; there are many, many more.

Some people have told me that attitude or such a performance doesn’t matter so they will let their emotions and reactions “just happen”.  That’s one way of doing it, although I would caution anyone who wants to do this as an emotional outburst could come back to haunt you.

One of my clients faced the daunting prospect of being the sole survivor in his department after a layoff. Not only was he sole survivor, as a result he had a new boss and a new position within the company. He was emotionally drained and frustrated, to say the least.

I counseled him to put on an Academy Award Winning Performance, knowing he was looking for his next opportunity outside of the organization. He decided to embrace his new role and, rather than simply doing the assignment his new boss gave him, he went above and beyond, providing her with a new strategy and tactics for execution.

She was thrilled and he received a promotion as a result. All due to his Academy Award Winning Performance.

At the end of the day, he found another opportunity outside of the company that better suited his skills. Yet the real lesson here is by embracing the role of team player, he secured a promotion. Who knows what would have happened had he simply sunk into his negativity?

He also created good will with his new boss which may benefit him in the future. It’s all about networking, you know.

Think about how the occasional Academy Award Winning Performance may help you at work.

Remember: the very best actors are not the ones who win an Oscar. They are the nominees left sitting in the audience, cameras trained on their faces as they smile happily for the winner when deep down inside they must be crying, screaming and cursing at their misfortune.

But they can’t show it. They are on live TV, with the world watching them. Literally.

That’s what it’s like to be a winner at work.

3 Concepts Millennials and Boomers Must Understand In Order to Work Together

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team-866663_1920Is it possible for Millennials and Boomers to work effectively together? The media would have us believe the two groups are like oil and water, impossible to coexist in harmony.

A self-described “Millennial in a Boomer Suit”, I know it’s not only possible but it can be truly rewarding for both groups.

We are actually not that different. My goals, attitudes and ambitions when I was fresh out of college were pretty much the same as today’s graduates. It’s just that I didn’t have the ability to share my thoughts and dreams on social media.

For these two groups to form a successful team, here are 3 Concepts Millennials and Boomers Must Understand in Order to Work Together

1. Respect for Knowledge Goes Both Ways
Boomers have experience that can only come from years on the job in the real world. Millennials bring an understanding of new technology and fresh ways of thinking. Both groups need to embrace the other’s knowledge. Combined, they are a powerful force.

Boomers, it’s okay to admit that you are not up to speed on every new social media platform. Ask the Millennials for a quick tutorial; they love to show their skills and contribute to the team.

Millennials, remember that tried and true ideas may still be the best way to go – experience does count for something. Listen and learn first before pooh-poohing established programs. Your colleagues will then be more receptive to enhancing existing methods with new techniques.

2. Understand the Similarities and Embrace the Differences
Common misconception among Boomers is that Millennials are 8 to 5’ers; not willing to work the long hours that Boomers are accustomed to.

Actually, Millennials are more than willing to do what it takes to get the job done. The difference is that they don’t put boundaries or limits on “work” vs. “personal” time. They are used to having technology at their fingertips and are comfortable taking a break from their personal time to complete a work assignment “after hours” if it means they can attend a fitness class first.

Boomers may need to relax the expectation of staying late at the office unless there is a deadline; Millennials need to communicate openly with their managers about their commitment to completing work in a timely manner.

3. We’re All In it to Win It
At the end of the day, Millennials and Boomers want the same thing: to do a good job, a feeling of satisfaction and to advance in their careers. Possibly more money, of course, and recognition. The point is, neither group wants to fail. Both are “In it to win it”.

Winning takes team work. There should be no “Us young people” vs. “Us mature people”. This serves no purpose except to bring morale down.

I’ve learned a great deal throughout my career from both older colleagues and younger ones. Each brings different set of skills and knowledge, yet critical to my own development. Without learning from all different levels, I would not be where I am today.

Respect Knowledge. Understand the Similarities. Embrace the differences.

The result? We all win.

The Best Cure for the Holiday Hangover. Or, How to Get Back to Work After the Holidays

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girl at computer-1064659_1920The New Year is starting out exactly the same as last year: with a holiday hangover.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s like someone took a giant pin and burst the bubble of fun you’ve been having for the last month. Suddenly there’s a cloud of responsibility looming; nudging us as if to say, “No more fun for you; it’s back to work!”

For just a short time we’ve been able to ignore any career-related issues. Hate your job?  Even the craziest offices settle down as the company holiday party relaxes toxic co-workers. Then your PTO kicks in and suddenly things don’t seem as bad this time of year.

Looking for a job? You tell yourself hiring slows while managers take vacation, you decide to spend this “down” time updating your resume and developing a strategic job search plan that begins on January 1st.

Yes, all will be better after the holidays.

Guess what? The New Year is here. January 1st has come and gone.

Where is the strategic plan you had in mind? How about the updated resume? New business cards?

Did you do anything aside from reveling in time off?

Yep, it’s the holiday hangover. Too much fun; not enough work.

Ironically, despite supposedly being refreshed from taking time away from work and responsibility, it’s hard to get back to our jobs or the work of a job search after the holidays.

The holiday hangover has a firm grip on us.

The best way to get back to work or to your job search after the holidays? Hit it hard, and right away. The more you dive in, the easier it is.

  • Review. What were you working on before the holidays? What do you need to pick up and what can be dropped?
  • Prioritize. Scan email for important “must do now” items. Do not get sucked into trivial tasks that can wait until later.
  • Plan. Make a list of what you want to accomplish, with specific deadlines.
  • Work. Go for it; don’t think about it. I’ve found that once I start working, it’s amazingly easy to get back into the groove. It’s the thinking about it that’s torture.

If all else fails, make plans to meet friends after work or on the weekend to have fun. We all need balance in our lives.

Remember: Review, Prioritize, Plan, Work. It’s the best cure for the Holiday Hangover.

Festive Frantic: A New Way to Work During the Holidays

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laundry pile 3The holidays have always been my favorite time of year. Everyone seems to be in a better mood. Places – and people – are more festive, dressed up in their finest. Everywhere you go, there’s an energy that just doesn’t happen during other months.

This year? I’m just not feeling it. I’m going to blame working from home. Honestly, how does one prioritize work and clients amid so many holiday distractions?

My mood might best be described as “Festive Frantic”. Similar to “Festive Casual Attire”, the nightmare clothing category that even retailers have yet to decipher, Festive Frantic is best described as Clark Griswold meets the Grinch meets Martha Stewart.

The movie description reads: A business woman with a passion for Christmas stuck in her undecorated home has an out of body experience as Scrooge.

My home office is hardly the sanctuary needed for working during the holidays. Try as I might, I simply can’t ignore the Christmas distractions happening all around me as I commute from the kitchen to my desk.

I’m convinced that driving through traffic to a “real” office has got to be better right now. At least there might be free treats in the break room.

What? You’re not buying my sob story?

Let me share with you my tale of working amid the holiday distractions that fill my office. A.K.A.”My home”.

  • The tree is upset with me, calling to me from the living room. And rightly so. Poor guy has stood naked for almost two weeks. Friends and relatives visit our home while the Naked Tree stands next to the TV, ornaments close enough to touch but have not yet made it to cover his branches. We should at least put a cowboy hat or something on his head, maybe a belt around his middle.
  • The Christmas Cards, which were created and ordered prior to Thanksgiving, sit – untouched -on the kitchen counter. They talk loudly amongst themselves in hopes that I’ll stop working and starting addressing. It’s so annoying! Yes, they are a deadline too, but not a paying client. Finally had to put them in a “time-out” in the pantry.
  • Holiday treats? Ha! I just laughed so hard I snorted. Ingredients were purchased, but I’ve yet to find time to bake anything. Thank goodness chocolate chips can be eaten by the handful, straight from the bag. Not that I would do that.
  • The doorbell and phone both ring non-stop. Doorbell is due to package deliveries. For neighbors. Because I work from home. And the calls from strangers asking for donations! I’ve started telling them I’m a 501c3 and was about to call them for a donation myself.
  • The lack of gifts under the Naked Tree reminds me I haven’t made it to the mall yet to shop and enjoy the decorations, one of my all-time favorite holiday activities.
  • And the laundry piled on the couch – hardly a festive touch. At least it’s clean.

Holiday distractions – it’s madness, I tell you! Augghhh!

Wha..what? What just happened? I think I just blacked-out or something. Had the craziest dream – at least I think it was a dream.

We were talking about the holidays and, in a fit of holiday madness, I put work on hold for a minute in an attempt to re-gain control. These distractions are not going to win!

I turned up the Christmas carols and I put bows on top of the laundry pile, adding a festive touch. I may have said something politically incorrect to a client or two, like “Merry Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa”, to cover all my bases.

Shopping and cards were combined into one fun event. Once I finished my marathon shopping at the mall, I bought one of those fancy coffee drinks, found a bench and simply handed my cards to anyone who passed by. Done!

It’s possible that I’ve eaten more than my share of chocolate chips in the last twenty four hours. On a chocolate “high”, I “may” have put an “Out of Office I’m On Vacation” notice out to my clients just a wee bit early.

As I look around, the tree seems to be smiling. And I know for certain that Hubby is missing a belt.

And the Award Goes To: What To Do When You Don’t Win At Work

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DMN column praise

The awards were all sitting in front of me. A large screen flashed accolades, written by readers of the newspaper and submitted anonymously, praising the work of the columnists sitting in the room with me. We all watched anxiously for comments about our work.

I’m not gonna lie; I counted the number of times my name appeared on the screen, even taking photos of each comment with my phone.

To say I’m competitive is an understatement. I’ve always strived to be the best at everything I do. Whether I succeed or not is beside the point; I have an inherent desire to do my best.

Who am I kidding? It’s all about winning! I want an award and all the recognition that comes with it, including bragging rights and the photo for social media.

But today I was not a winner.

Thank goodness I learned a hard lesson when I was younger: not everyone gets a trophy just for participating.

When I was a child, we learned the value of winning but more importantly we learned the value of losing, and losing with grace. It didn’t matter if it was softball or dance or debate or any number of competitive activities. There could only be one winner; possibly a second and third place. But that was it. We didn’t receive a trophy simply for participating, a practice common today.

We learned to accept defeat graciously, and we learned to separate the loss of the event from ourselves. Just because we did not receive an award for our hard work did not mean that we, personally, were losers. It simply meant that someone else had performed better than we did at that given moment.

I believe we became more resilient. If we wanted to succeed next time, we evaluated the winning entry or the winning team’s strategy. We took notes. We practiced more. We set a goal, developed a plan to achieve that goal, and went to work.

My biggest lesson in defeat and winning came in high school. A life-long dancer, when drill team tryouts came I thought it would be no problem to make the team. I practiced and had the routine down pat. Piece of cake, I thought.

What I didn’t count on was the strong desire of others to secure one of the limited spots on the team. They may not have had the same years in the dance studio as I did, but they made up for it in determination.

Defeat hit me hard. I was devastated.

After twenty-four hours of solid tears, I held my head up, walked past the smiling girls who made the team and met with the director to ask for constructive feedback for next years’ tryouts.

Once I understood my areas for improvement, I developed a plan to master those skills by the next years’ try-outs. I was determined to win.

Was it hard to sit on the sidelines for a year? Yes. Was it difficult to practice alone while waiting for my next chance at redemption? Absolutely.

What will happen to kids today when they grow out of the “everyone gets a trophy” phase and experience true defeat? Will they know how to separate the loss based on skills without thinking, “I’m a loser”? And will they have the determination to develop a plan to win next time?

My losing experience taught me no matter how good I am at something, there’s always going to be someone better. I learned how to develop a plan to get from point A to point B.

Second time out, I made the team. Got the award, the bragging rights and the photo.

As for today’s events, I’m proud of my fellow columnists who received recognition for their work. It’s an honor to work with such skilled writers.

And the graduation gift we all received was lovely; a leather writing journal to capture our thoughts, which I know I’ll put to good use.

But I still want to win.

#SocialMediaFail

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I’ve got a confession to make. One that embarrasses me.

I realized that I am “one of those people”. You know; the kind who “has people”. 

No, I don’t have an entourage, although I guess that could be interesting for about an hour before it got in the way.

What’s happened to me is the same thing that happens to most of us who have worked our way up the corporate ladder. The higher you go, the more you deal in over-arching strategy and planning, with less time on the tactics for execution.

That’s where my “people” come in.  It’s to the point where I lead and oversee the big-picture; my team takes care of the implementation.

Nothing wrong with that, right? Isn’t that what we all strive for in our careers?

Problem for me is that this goes against my management style.  I prefer to know how to perform the tactics so I can say to my team, “I’m not asking you to do anything that I won’t do myself”.  Plus it’s a good idea to know how to do things in case someone comes down with the flu and I have to step in.

Yet in today’s environment of working very lean, I’ve had to accept the fact that I must rely on my team to handle certain things.

And I’ve come to enjoy it.  We all have our areas of expertise, making for one kick-ass team.

Even when I work for myself, I have a team of hired individuals.  Now, though, I am at a cross-road where I am stepping out on my own even more and, for a short period, will not have my team to support me with social media.

My initial reaction was positive. 

1) This is a great time for me to “walk the walk” by learning the tactics; and 2) I know the theory and have been using social media personally for years; how hard could this be?

Apparently it’s more difficult than I anticipated.

I knew from experience that social media marketing is time consuming. Some corporate execs seem to think that it’s a quick little thing someone does during lunch and should not take much time. LOL!

There’s strategy and research and memes and scheduling.  There’s actually research that has been done as to the optimal number of Facebook posts and Tweets for a given day to drive awareness and traffic.

I consulted with my very smart colleague, Noah, who had been working on my social media scheduling for a quick lesson.  As with most things, it sounded so simple when we talked.

Do this, click that, copy this, paste that. It’s really quite simple, he assured me, with all of his two years of work experience behind him.

See, he’s still early enough in his career to not have the luxury of a team. He is the team.

I thanked him and hung up the phone feeling brave and started researching, convinced that I could handle this very easily.  After all, I am not new to social media.

My goal was to schedule one month of posts and Tweets. I got down to business.

How hard could this be?

Like Beethoven working on a great composition, I researched, posted, cut, pasted, Tweeted and scheduled. It was awesome. I was going to be a social media rock-star.

After about six hours of trying to schedule one months’ worth of Tweets and posts, what did I have to show for my efforts?

Three lousy days.  #socialmediafail

Somewhere between “Awesome” and “Rock Star” I realized I was that person; the one who knows strategy but can’t figure out the tactics. The person who has “people”.

That was not only embarrassing, but eye-opening.

When did this happen? I used to be the person who “knew everything”.  Of course that’s before I had “people”.

Sigh. I will figure this out. But I need my people more than I want to admit.

A Phone Call Changes Everything

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The past week has been tough; it always is when a loved one is in the hospital.  The post below is a rerun from 2013 and it’s similar to what I’m going through now.  This is a great reminder of what’s really important, even when work is swirling out of control or we’ve had a bad day at the office.

Phone

 

It’s usually not a good thing when the phone rings before 8:00 am.  Mom sounded nervous, telling me she didn’t feel well.  Hubby and I raced her to the doctor, and then to the ER.  Losing feeling and movement in any part of your body is not good.

Tests were started in the ER and when it was determined her condition was stable, we transferred to a room and waited while they took more tests.  And waited, and waited….

The waiting seemed so long.  My only solace was texting Hubby who had gone to work, or watching TV, scrolling through Facebook or playing solitaire.  I had rushed out of the house that morning with just my handbag and phone; thank goodness I had a charger with me.

The good news is that her hand showed improvement within hours.  Bad news is that this happened on a Friday and weekends are definitely not a good time to be in a hospital – ask anyone who’s been there.  Skeleton staff makes it almost impossible to get tests done and read.   Not sure why they don’t have a full team that works weekends too.  Illness doesn’t take a holiday.

More good news; mom is improving and is now at our house.  Her hand, while not 100%, continues to show signs of improvement.  Tests revealed no major issues.  This was clearly a fluke, and she was lucky.

I had lots of time to think during those days in the hospital.  Too much time, in fact.  Thinking about mom, wondering how I’m going to help her without taking independence away; how am I going to “not worry” about her?  It’s sobering to realize that her life – my life – changed with one phone call.

What I didn’t think about during this time was work.  Funny how that happens.  I had worked late for three nights leading up to this, completely stressed-out about things. While I was sitting in the hospital, I honestly couldn’t tell you what I had been working on that week or why it had seemed so important.

A phone call, that’s all it took to get perspective.  Suddenly I would have given anything to simply be stressed out from work.  That would be easy.  Sitting in a hospital with your loved one is not.

There’s not even any hospital drama or shenanigans like you see on Grey’s Anatomy.  At least that would have been a distraction!  Where’s a hot doctor when you need one? And the Grey’s Anatomy hospital seems to be fully staffed every day and at all hours.  Hardly real-life.

So what’s my point?  I guess I don’t really have a fun business story today.  Except to say that wherever you are in your career – happy with work, not happy, laid off and looking – remember to keep work in perspective.  It’s important, but other things are more important.

One phone call is all it takes to change your life in an instant.  And trust me, you won’t care anymore about work, the stress, the pay, the coworkers, the clients – anything.

Dishes and Other Monotony

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dishes2

Cook Food. Eat. Do the dishes. Repeat.

It’s a never ending cycle, isn’t it?

Recently I had the opportunity to write for one of my favorite online magazines, MOMEO.  Whether you work from home or not, I’m sure many of you can relate to my post titled, “Dishes: Round 17: The Work At Home Journey By @It’sJustTami”.

Check it out here, at momeo.com

I’ll be back next week with more to share.

In the meantime, pop over to MOMEO, read my post and more.

Enjoy!

 

Is Being Too Generous a Weakness?

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Has anyone out there participated in those Facebook quizzes designed to provide “insight” into our personalities, our likes, our dislikes, etc.?

For a long time I was able to ignore them.  Then once, in a moment of weakness, I decided to play along. The quizzes are sort of addictive.  Now that I’ve played a few times it’s interesting to see what insightful things FB thinks I should know.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

What career should I have had?  Vice President.  Or, on a subsequent try, the result was engineer.  Veep I’ll take.  However if the test was really smart, FB would know that I’ve already given engineering a try and it was not a good fit.

Word that best describes me:  Ambitious.  Yep, that’s me.  When completing our college applications, we had to check a box that indicated how many degrees we planned to obtain.  I instantly checked “Master’s”.  Had no idea why; just sounded ambitious to me so I chose it.  And achieved it.

What’s your Christmas Elf name?  This was not exactly a quiz but it’s funny and embarrassing enough to share.  Sneaky Tinselbottom, that’s me.  Should I get new business cards?  Update the resume?

Your greatest weakness: You Are Too Generous.  Huh?

This last one caused me to stop and think.  I usually think of others as more generous than myself.  While I enjoy sharing and giving it’s not like we have a money tree in the yard.

This quiz was completely wrong.  (As if any of the FB quizzes are scientific and correct.)

Yet the more I thought about it, I realized there was some truth to it. Generosity doesn’t have to be monetary; one can be generous with time and attention.

And according to FB, that is a weakness.

Throughout my career I have worked with some phenomenal individuals who were willing to spend time helping me when I needed to bounce ideas, or to show me a shortcut so I didn’t waste time, or simply to point me in the right direction as opposed to floundering and possibly failing.

These individuals were generous with their time and attention.

This was especially important when I was first starting out, yet it’s still important since every once in a while even the most experienced professional needs assistance – especially when encountering new technology.

Note that these individuals did not do the work for me.  What they provided was time.  Time to listen, to discuss, and in some cases, to teach.  They also provided roadmaps or steps that might be more efficient to get things done and introductions to people that might be good for me to know to complete the project.

When “newbies” arrived at work I found myself providing the same type of assistance.  Not doing the job for them but pointing them in the right direction.

I’ve continued to do this throughout my career, treating people the way I would want to be treated if I needed some assistance.  The gratitude in their eyes says it all.

There have been times when I’ve asked for help and it’s been denied.  That’s hard to swallow, and beyond my comprehension why someone would not take a few minutes to help.

So why is being too generous a weakness? I guess because sometimes I put the needs of others before my own work. I help them first.

That’s a price I’m willing to pay. My work still gets done. And hopefully, the people I’ve helped will remember this time and pay it forward by helping someone else.

Or by helping me if I need it.  Even seasoned executives can use assistance now and then.