Busting the Myth of Work-Life Balance

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Work life balanceI’m back! It’s good to be here. It’s been a longggg time. I’ve missed you, and this, working on my blog. So much has happened.

Let’s dive right in to something that’s been on my mind. You may be able to relate.

Work-life balance. Ever heard of it?

Maybe you read an article outlining how to achieve “work-life balance”. Or perhaps your job search goal was to find a position that would provide “work-life balance”.

I must tell you I seriously dislike the phrase, and here’s why:

Not only is it a myth; it’s a flat-out lie.

I think we – especially women – have been fed a line of bull when it comes to thinking we can somehow “have it all” in life.

Seriously. How is it possible to find true “balance” between career and home, at least by conventional standards?

Consider this: To have balance, two things must always be equal. All. The. Time.

Given that our work life and home life are not created equal to begin with, achieving balance between the two is doomed from the start.

Think about it: sometimes work will be crazy-busy, with a multi-million-dollar project and multiple deadlines. It will take every minute of every day, plus overtime to bring the project in on-time. You will do it because, well, that’s what it takes.

What about home?  The “balance pendulum” has shifted toward the office. There is no “balance” at home right now.

The good news is, the “balance pendulum” will swing back. That’s what a pendulum does; it swings back and forth.  At some point, home will require more of your attention and, mercifully, work will be calm enough to give you the time you need.

Pendulum shift, you know.

Some days it works beautifully. Others, not so much. On those days, it sucks.

If you call this, “work-life balance”, so be it.

I’d rather call this, “Work-Life Integration”.

It’s career and life. Not a balance, per se; more of an ebb and flow. Sometimes we focus more on career; sometimes we focus more on home. Most of the time, we try to weave both together to the best of our abilities.

Technology and flexible schedules provide for this work-life integration, making it easier to catch a child’s afternoon recital, assist aging parents, or meet with a home maintenance person. We can shift office productivity to after hours from virtually any location on our laptops. Again, integration vs. balance, since we’re still doing the work – and in many cases, actually working longer hours.

It’s important for each of us to recognize and understand that career and home are not equal. They will never be equal, on any given day or week.

As career women and men, together with our partners and spouses, we must determine how best to work through the ins and outs of integrating work with home; home with work.

The good news?

I believe it’s possible to be successful at work and at home. It’s not easy. It takes determination and hard work, as well as an understanding that personal compromises may have to happen both at home and on the career front.

Work-life integration. It’s not about balance. It’s about career and home simply working in tandem.

Mindfulness In The Face Of Technology. Or Why I Hate Steve Jobs.

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Sunset

Every summer Hubby and I take a week-long vacation with one intention, one sole purpose: to relax and unwind from our normally stressful, busy lives.

To be clear, we love our lives. It’s just that the day-to-day stresses build up.  We try to counteract stress with daily gym sessions, but sometimes work or life gets in the way.

We look forward to this vacation all year long. In this case, it had been one year since we had taken a vacation.

There was a lot of pressure on this summer sabbatical, to say the least.

And we were SO looking forward to it! Meeting our friends at the resort, lounging by the pool, golfing, visiting the spa, reading, eating and basically doing nothing more strenuous than asking the cabana boy to refill our water pitcher.

Most importantly, reconnecting with each other. Funny how two people can get so busy that you need to take time out to connect again on a deeper level, with conversations more meaningful than “Did the dog poop?” and “Not rotisserie chicken again!”

Which leads me to explain this year’s vacation, theme: “Mindfulness”. Being fully present and engaged in what you are doing and where you are; not on something else.

Everything was planned and we were ready to go and be Mindful.

Then a family situation necessitated a date change, and the dog sitter wasn’t available for the new dates, and suddenly our luxurious week-plus vacation was truncated to a four night get-away.

Life has a way of messing with the best plans.

By the time we actual left, I was a basket-case; a bundle of stressed-out nerves from all that had happened.

Even so, I was determined to practice “mindfulness”.

  • Driving away from the airport, I had to remind myself to put away my iPhone and look at the scenery. That’s when stress test number one came: out of nowhere a rock hit our windshield. No cars anywhere, we did not drive under a bridge, the road was smooth. It literally fell from the sky.
  • I was mindful of that rock.
  • There was a brief encounter at check-in that almost had me call the manager, but I refrained, trying to be mindful of the beauty of our favorite resort.
  • Then I became mindful that I had left my pool things – hat, sunglasses, and tote bag – at home.  Sigh.
  • We finally made it to a cabana and Hubby’s iPhone went off with work-related issues.  Of this I was VERY mindful.

“Steve Jobs ruined my life!” he blurted out.  “I can’t even take a minute of vacation anymore, because I’m ALWAYS connected and someone can ALWAYS find me, thanks to him.”

This led to a discussion of why we brought phones to the pool in the first place.  (We needed them for selfies, doh!)

A bigger discussion followed, of my stress from the recent family emergency, my work, Hubby’s work, our geriatric, semi-blind dog that has a little doggie dementia, and suddenly I was in tears.  In the cabana.

I was mindful of those tears. And not in a good way; this was not how vacation was supposed to be.

Determined to get back on track, and not let Mr. Jobs’ invention control us, we started over.

And things improved each day.

Mindfulness is not easy to practice. We had to work at it each day, remembering to think about where we were, what we doing, to put down the iPhones and really engage with life and each other.

Hubby did have to answer a few emails; I did have to respond to a couple of texts about the dog and family matters.  The rest of the time we tried to limit our posting of photos or using the phones at all.

By the time we left we were reluctant to pick up our old habits of being constantly connected, as Steve Jobs intended.  We appreciate his devices and what they can do for us, but we realize that by being constantly tuned in, we have tuned out so much.

So that’s why I hate Steve Jobs, for making a device so powerful that we have lost our true personal connection.   We need to be mindful of our time spent with it and not let it control us.

FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

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Recently I’ve discovered that I’m suffering from a newly discovered ailment.  It’s quite hard to diagnose as the symptoms disguise themselves.

I knew something wasn’t quite right.  At first I wasn’t sure what it was; I thought I wasn’t getting enough sleep.  Then I decided I wasn’t exercising enough.  Nutrition could be a factor, I thought at one point.  Stress could be part of it; isn’t that always an underlying factor when you’re not feeling 100%?

My usually organized self was running amok.  Unable to think or remember, it seemed like chaos was close at hand.

It was during a quiet moment – a rarity these days – that I read something that rocked my world.

FOMO. Fear. Of. Missing. Out.

That’s it! 

This was – and is – and always has been – me.

In my attempt to experience everything life has to offer – YOLO, you know – I have inadvertently put a lot on my plate.  Almost too much.

Like most people, my life is really busy.  Family, career, volunteering and friends are the bulk of it.  Then I need to – want to – add in personal interests, such as exercise, writing, travel and hobbies.

I love participating in life.  It’s hard for me to say “no” when it comes to social engagements, helping someone or to an opportunity that might help my career despite the fact that it is a time commitment on my part.

“Would you help me with my resume?” Sure!  “Want to grab dinner?” Love to!  “We’d love to have you attend our meeting” Of course!  “Want to join our group?” Awesome!

Combine that with my drive to advance in my career and constantly seeking experiences that will position me for future success and my schedule is packed.

And it’s become too much.

Yet I’m fearful of giving anything up.  First, I enjoy everything that I’m doing.  Second, I’m afraid I’ll miss out on an opportunity by giving something up, even for a short time.

FOMO – fear of missing out.   Not to be confused with its close cousin, YOLO, who is more grounded.  FOMO becomes more like a disease and once it grabs hold, it’s hard to wrestle free from its grip.

FOMO tells us we will miss the perfect opportunity if we don’t participate in everything.  FOMO lies to us, saying “no other opportunities will come our way” unless we act now. Only FOMO knows the truth; that there will always be opportunities.  FOMO can only survive if we buy into its sales pitch that we need it or we will be the ones in jeopardy.

I’d love to blame someone for my addiction to FOMO.  Perhaps mom, who encouraged me as a child to participate in multiple activities to find out which were best suited for me.  I remember one year that was so packed with after school activities that I had something different each night – everything from jazz dancing to scouting to baton twirling.  And that didn’t include the violin lessons and other school-related activities.

While it was fun and mom only had the best intentions, the problem is that I never learned FOMO boundaries.  I needed to understand that I could be in control of my own destiny, selecting the opportunities rather than succumbing to FOMO.

It’s hard to shake FOMO.  Even as I type this, my mind is reeling with possibilities for the upcoming weekend.  One of our favorite bands is playing at a local festival, we want to bike around the lake, we have yard work, both of us have regular work to do, I need to plan Hubby’s surprise birthday party – oops, guess it’s not a surprise anymore.  Plus there’s the usual household stuff and family obligations.

See what I just did?  I walked right back into FOMO’s arms.

Sigh…guess I’m going to have to back off of this slowly, like any addict.  Maybe we’ll cut out one thing this weekend.  Or at least I won’t accept any new invitations.

They say recognizing that you have a problem is the first step toward recovery.  Back off, FOMO.  I’ve got my eye on you.

At least I’m trying.

Vacation!

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Polihale Beach on Kauai, Hawaii

It’s been a long, stressful week that included a family emergency.  Good news is, everyone is doing well.  Bad news is that it was not conducive to writing.  Since I feel like I need a vacation, I’m running an “oldie but goodie” for your enjoyment. 

Ahhh…vacation!  The time to get away from it all. To refresh and re-energize.  Yep, I’m one of “those” people, the kind who believes in taking a true vacation to get away from everything for a week or so.  No checking email, no calling the office.  I tell the people I work with, “If the building burns, save yourself and tell me about it when I get back”.  No sense telling me when I’m not there to do anything about it.

Never have understood the concept of a “working vacation” either – isn’t that an oxymoron?  If I’m going to spend the money for a vacation I want to enjoy it – sans work.

Funny thing is that my family didn’t really take vacations.  A couple times we accompanied dad on a business trip to Florida; along the way we’d wait for him in the car or at a restaurant while he called on clients, eventually ending up at the beach for a couple days.  Every few years Sis and I would go to Grandma’s in Minnesota, but that was it.  No weekends at the lake, no ski vacations, no trips just for fun.

I learned about the beauty of a vacation after business school, when I had friends living in other cities.  Those friends would say, “Come visit sometime” – and whether they meant it or not, I took them up on the offer.  (Note to all of you: if you say “come visit”, know that at some point I will do just that)

It wasn’t always easy for me to take a vacation.  I was (and sometimes still am) plagued by worries: what if something “big” happens while I’m gone? What if someone needs me? What if, what if, what if?

Early on I had a great boss who heard me lamenting the “what ifs” and wisely told me, “There is NOTHING that will happen in your absence that we can’t fix when you get back”.   Logic told me she was right and I’ve tried to remember that ever since.

Last week was it – vacation time!  An entire week of fun at our favorite resort with no work in sight, and it was beyond great.  Vacation Brain kicked in for both Hubby and I as soon as we left for the airport, a definite signal that it was time to relax. We read, talked, swam, lounged and were generally lazy.  Work Brain was nowhere to be seen, as it should be during vacation.

As with all good things, our trip came to an end far too soon and my Vacation Brain reluctantly started powering down while my Work Brain tried to wake from a nice nap.  At the airport, Work Brain said it would be a good idea to download my emails so I could at least scan them on the plane.  Sounded logical, so I tried to log-on.  Note I said “tried” – for the life of me I couldn’t remember my log-in info.  Vacation Brain clearly was still in command.  After some time, I finally remembered and logged in – a small victory for Work Brain.

Hubby was having difficulty too.  Wanting to initiate a call with a co-worker, he started to send an email with his cell phone number – but Vacation Brain forbade him from remembering his own number. Work Brain, unfortunately, reminded him that I had his phone number in my phone.

Once I was online, Work Brain commanded that I look at my in-box. Yikes – how could one person have that many emails in just a week?  My mind raced as Vacation Brain was desperate to keep me in resort mode.  Looking at the subject lines, I tried to recall what I was working on when I left town.

My mind was sputtering, with a vague memory of some projects but not enough for the emails to make complete sense.  And who ARE all these people, wanting answers from me?  Do I work with them?  I could feel the tension in my head as Work Brain fought to recover information from a week ago, while Vacation Brain attempted to keep all that information hidden.

Back and forth, the battle for control raged in my head as I read the emails, trying to make sense of it all.  Once the plane landed, Work Brain started a victory dance, knowing that as soon as we exited the jet way Vacation Brain was history.

Sigh. Why is it always like this? Within seconds of returning from vacation, it’s as though we never left at all.  I enjoy my work but I really do cherish the little bit of vacation I take and I would love for the feeling to last longer than a nanosecond.

Good news is the office didn’t burn.  At least I don’t think it did.

Vacation Brain

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Scottsdale 2013

Ahhh…vacation!  The time to get away from it all. To refresh and re-energize.  Yep, I’m one of “those people”, the kind who believes in taking a true vacation to get away from everything for a week.  No checking email, no calling the office.  I tell the people I work with, “If the building burns, save yourself and tell me about it when I get back”.  No sense telling me when I’m not there to do anything about it.

Never have understood the concept of a “working vacation” either – isn’t that an oxymoron?  If I’m going to spend the money for a vacation I want to enjoy it – sans work.

Funny thing is that my family didn’t really take vacations.  A couple times we accompanied dad on a business trip to Florida; along the way we’d wait for him in the car or at a restaurant while he called on clients, eventually ending up at the beach for a couple days.  Every few years Sis and I would go to Grandma’s in Minnesota, but that was it.  No weekends at the lake, no ski vacations, no trips just for fun.

I learned about the beauty of a vacation after business school, when I had friends living in other cities.  Those friends would say, “Come visit sometime”, and whether they meant it or not I took them up on the offer.  Note to all of you: if you say “come visit”, know that at some point I will do just that.

It wasn’t always easy for me to take a vacation.  I was (and sometimes still am) plagued by worries: what if something “big” happens while I’m gone? What if someone needs me? What if, what if, what if?

Early on I had a great boss who heard me lamenting the “what ifs” and wisely told me, “there is NOTHING that will happen in your absence that we can’t fix when you get back”.   Logic told me she was right and I’ve tried to remember that ever since.

Last week was it – vacation time!  An entire week of fun at our favorite resort with no work in sight, and it was beyond great.  Vacation Brain kicked in for both Hubby and I as soon as we left for the airport, a definite signal that it was time to relax. We read, talked, swam, lounged and were generally lazy.  Work Brain was nowhere to be seen, as it should be during vacation.

As with all good things, our trip came to an end far too soon and my Vacation Brain reluctantly started powering down while my Work Brain tried to wake from a nice nap.  At the airport, Work Brain said it would be a good idea to download my emails so I could at least scan them on the plane.  Sounded logical, so I tried to log-on.  Note I said “tried” – for the life of me I couldn’t remember my log-in info.  Vacation Brain clearly was still in command.  After some time, I finally remembered and logged in – a small victory for Work Brain.

Hubby was having difficulty too.  Wanting to initiate a call with a co-worker, he started to send an email with his cell phone number – but Vacation Brain forbade him from remembering his own number. Work Brain, unfortunately, reminded him that I had his phone number in my phone.

Once I was online, Work Brain commanded that I look at my in-box. Yikes! How could one person have that many emails in just a week?

My mind raced as Vacation Brain was desperate to keep me in resort mode.  Looking at the subject lines, I tried to recall what I was working on when I left town.  My mind was sputtering, with a vague memory of some projects but not enough for the emails to make complete sense.

And who ARE all these people, wanting answers from me?  Do I work with them?  I could feel the tension in my head as Work Brain fought to recover information from a week ago, while Vacation Brain attempted to keep all that information hidden.  Back and forth, the battle for control raged in my head as I read the emails, trying to make sense of it all.  Once the plane landed, Work Brain started a victory dance, knowing that as soon as we exited the jet way Vacation Brain was history.

Sigh. Why is it always like this? Within seconds of returning from vacation, it’s as though we never left at all.  I enjoy my work but I really do cherish the little bit of vacation I take and I would love for the feeling to last longer than a nanosecond.

Good news is the office didn’t burn.  At least I don’t think it did.

Direction Unknown

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Ever feel like you’re spinning out of control? That life is controlling you, instead of you taking the lead?

It seems like I always feel that way. Too much to do, not enough time.

This is not a bad thing.  I’ve got so many interests that I could be busy 24/7.  Could be worse; I could have no interests at all and struggle to find ways to fill my days.  Yet I may have too much of a good thing – between work, writing, family, volunteering, exercising and other assorted hobbies, it’s hard to find even a minute to sit back and relax.

It happened again Saturday night, the overwhelming feeling of “must do this, must do that” overtaking me.   

Saturday night used to be “Date Night”.  A sacred time when we were free from work and stress, when we allowed ourselves time to simply have fun.  Unfortunately Hubby and I had forgotten this ritual and again found ourselves, late afternoon on Saturday, with no plans at all for that evening.

Guess we just hoped that something exciting would happen without any forethought on our part.

I tried to calm myself, as I could feel a meltdown coming on.  Hubby was trying his best to get into the spirit of a last-minute date night, even stepping outside to call me on the phone from the backyard to ask me out.

“Humph! Don’t you think it’s kind of late to be asking me out, an hour before you want to leave?”  I cried.  “Do you just assume I’m sitting around waiting for you to call?”

Amazing how easily I reverted back to single-gal mode, huh?

Knowing that we were reaching critical mass and tears were imminent, Hubby came up with a back-up plan that most women love to hear: “Let’s have dinner and go shopping!”   Gotta love Hubby; he sure knows how to make a girl smile.  Food and fashion are always a win with me.

While this was a nice short-term fix, we still have the bigger issue of our lives spinning out of control.  A planner at heart, I know that direction, not intention, determines destination.  Hubby and I made a promise that night to work on planning more fun, rather than waiting for fun to find us.

This is true for careers as well as date nights.

When I was laid-off, I took this to heart and mapped out a plan.  Starting with the end result, I worked backwards to figure out how to accomplish my job search goals.  I even wrote everything down on a grease board.  Sometimes it seems like writing it down makes plans more real.  After all, it doesn’t matter how much you want something to happen – without a plan, chances are you’ll stay put.

Simply intending to work on a job search is not enough. We need to have direction – a plan – in order to reach our destination of a job offer.

Even now that Hubby and I are working again we still need to map out our career goals as well as our life goals to make sure they work together in harmony.  Hard to remember this, but we are trying.

Yes, I’ve forgiven Hubby for asking me out at the last-minute.  Although I’m sure next time he’ll remember to plan in advance.

Right, Hubby? Hubby?

Project Tango: Dancing With a Deadline

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Sometimes I wonder why I ever bother with planning. Try as I might to have a plan in place to keep my hectic life in order, somehow things change and the plan becomes more of a guideline. This is okay in many aspects, such as weekend social plans. I actually prefer doing things “spur of the moment” instead of having every waking minute of the weekend scheduled. While Hubby and I are usually good planners for big social events, we win the prize for lack of planning when it comes to regular weekend activities.

Given our very hectic and incredibly structured work weeks, this laid-back weekend approach is a nice change. There are drawbacks, of course, as you would expect with a lack of planning. The newest and best restaurants get booked in advance, so we can’t arrive without a reservation at the normal dinner hour of seven and expect to be seated at a table before ten. Go figure. And because we lack the energy to plan most of our weekend social events, we sometimes miss opportunities for serious fun. I mean, should I really look at the paper or internet for fun and exciting local entertainment? Seriously, who has time for that? No, I’m not bitter that we missed our favorite local band that played last night. Close by, at a great venue. For free! It’s Hubby’s fault, I tell you, that we didn’t get to dance the night away. Hubby says, “whatever”. He’s not bitter either.

Where lack of planning becomes a real issue is with work projects. Hubby and I both work in industries that require a great deal of planning, yet also require a great deal of flexibility. Simply getting a project approved to start takes some serious patience and lots of work. Once approved, projects start and stop multiple times, details of the project are in constant flux, and even deadlines may change. It’s enough to make a person go mad.

I like to think that I’ve grown accustomed to my industry, with all of the changes and last minute do-over’s. But lately it’s getting the best of me. A planner at heart, I like to have some sort of organization and schedule. Plans are necessary as they provide a roadmap not only for the company but also my team. Plans allow me to manage more effectively, and hopefully maintain some work-life balance. In theory, anyway. Since I never seem to get to stay with my plan, I’m not sure that it would really work.

Planning for work is sort of like doing the tango, a passionate dance that moves back and forth with aggression and purpose, each side trying to wrestle the other one to their way of thinking. I’ve had a project on the calendar for more than a month now, leading the team through the various stages, each week building on the information from the previous week in an attempt to meet our deadline without causing everyone to pull an all-nighter at the last minute. There’s that “work-life balance” thing again.

It’s occurred to me as we enter the last stretch of the project that no matter how hard I’ve planned or how hard the team has worked, we are probably going to pull an all-nighter. In our “project tango”, the rest of our projects will get pushed to the side; we’ll work non-stop in the final days to finish the current project as changes fly at us right and left, and then, without a minute to rest, we have to pick up the pieces of the other “planned” projects that were ignored as we tangoed the project out the door.

My conclusion on work planning: the only good thing about doing the “project tango” is finally the music stops and the dance is finished; we’ve made the deadline. The bad news: we’ve rearranged all of our other project plans and we can see more all-nighters on the horizon.

The music starts, and the dance begins. Project Tango is underway again.

Balancing Act: My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

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This year I succumbed to peer pressure and got an iPad.  Actually, Hubby bought me the iPad as a gift. He probably thought he would get to use it too, and actually loaded the connection to his email on the device. LOL! As if he would be able to pry it from my hands.

Truthfully, I wanted to be part of the “in” crowd, with the latest technology, even though I really wasn’t sure why I needed this device when my laptop and iPhone were always close at hand.

The benefits of this device?

–          I look cool and super-important while I surf the net at Starbucks

–          Shopping – of course I just had to get an awesome case for it – but I discovered that I can online shop just about anywhere now. Sweet!

–          My shoulder loves it! No need to struggle to carry the brick that’s my laptop when I travel, since my iPad allows me to stay connected, read attachments, etc.

–          Multi-tasking: watch TV, chat with Hubby and keep up with FB all from the comfort of the couch

The downside:

–          I. Am. Always. Connected.

How did I fall for this trap?  Wasn’t it enough to own a smart phone, that’s almost surgically attached to my hand?

This wonderful, yet wicked, device with its awesome technology added another layer of complexity to my already action-packed life.  While I’m not a true follower of the zodiac, I do believe I have some traits of my sign.  As a Libra (the Scale), I really prefer that things are balanced.   I am passionate about my work as well as my personal life, and I don’t want one getting more attention than the other.  Yes there are times when one is busier.  But that’s OK; I can handle chaos at work if home is calm. Likewise, chaos at home is fine as long as work is calm.   But with all this connectivity, it seems like I’m never able to enjoy the calm.

Work is always on fire. Part of that is my chosen profession and while I love it, I’m making a note to myself: next career, try to pick something that’s not always a fire-drill.    Hubby/family/friends are a top priority at home.  Layer on top of that my passion for writing, including my recently published book, and I find myself always out of balance, running from one project to the next without any down-time.

It’s definitely harder to balance the three-legged stool of work-home-personal projects.  Yet there has to be a way to do it.  I’ve said before that the obvious solution would be to eliminate something.  For me, it’s been more difficult since I experienced being laid off.  The fear of being without a job is still top of mind, so I push myself to do more in the same amount of time.  Definitely a losing proposition.

My goal now is to try and create boundaries that allow for all areas of my life.  I don’t know how I’m going to achieve this, but it’s worth fighting for.  We all need to take breaks – even just an evening off, or a whole day if possible.  And vacations that take me away from it all are a must!

I’ve started to wean myself from connectivity for short periods of time.  After all, I’m not the leader of the free world so I doubt that I’m really needed at any second of the day. Not peeking at an electronic device is much harder than I thought.  Hubby and I try to hide our smart phones while dining so we can focus on each other, although we slip sometimes.  Slowly I’m getting used to not bringing my iPad, including the fun case, when I go for coffee, hoping that I’ll sip my beverage and clear my mind.

Baby steps, I tell myself.  Baby steps.

What Do Study Habits Have to Do With Work?

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I just figured out what my biggest problem was in college.  I studied too much. 
And how did I come to this revelation, you ask?  Especially now, since I’ve been out of school for quite some time, it seems like an odd thing to be concerned with.  If you look at my transcript – especially from undergrad – one would argue that I didn’t study enough.  Those grades sure don’t look like that of the next Einstein. 
I have to credit being laid-off for giving me the insight to see that I studied too much in college.  Try to follow me on this; I know I’m sounding like I’ve either pulled an all-nighter and need sleep or that I’ve lost my mind.  
When the lay-off hit, I began consulting.  I looked forward to setting my own hours and working from home instead of having to commute to an office each day.  Getting started wasn’t too difficult, and before long I had a few clients.  One thing led to another and my work expanded, including some very fulfilling personal projects.  Then I was offered a job that allowed me to work in the office several days a week, while maintaining one day a week for my personal projects.  It seemed like the best of both worlds.
That was more than a year ago, and now I’m exhausted.  While it is the “best of both worlds”, it’s more than a full schedule.  I’ve got four action-packed days at the office followed by three more work-filled days at home.  Somewhere in there I’m supposed to relax and have fun.  Yes, my work for the company is interesting but it’s also intense.  And while my personal projects are very fulfilling, they are also creative in nature and take more time to complete than I thought.  So it feels like I’m working seven days a week. All.The.Time. 
This is exactly the same thing that happened to me when it came to studying in college.  With demanding classes I felt like I should be studying every waking moment.  Sure I had fun, never missing a football game and working in time for friends, yet deep down it was hard for me to relax, even for a night.  It was the feeling that I had, that I needed to be studying rather than having fun that caused me so much stress. 
It’s the same stress I have now, like there’s so much to do that I can never stop working. With both of these great jobs I find myself unable to break away from work, even for a short time. The fear is that if I take time to have fun or take a day off, I’ll miss self-imposed deadlines or that I’ll never catch up.  I find myself not accepting social invitations because I know that I have work to do. Hmmm…this sounds familiar. Haven’t I seen this movie?
If I had been smart in college I would have learned how to handle this situation by paying attention to one of my friends.  On the surface it appeared that this very smart individual didn’t care about grades – and in some respect that’s true. It seemed as though he didn’t worry about studying and had lots of fun.  His approach? He figured out exactly what he needed to do to make the minimum passing grade – and he did that.  Not too smart, huh?  Actually it was brilliant, and I wish I’d followed his lead. He spent his extra time exploring other interests and thinking in a more entrepreneurial way about life after college rather than feeling guilty for not spending all his time studying.   Yes, he graduated. Not with honors but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care.  Now a successful businessman, he’s flying his personal airplane around the country while I still have to hunt for air fares and fly commercial.
My hunch is that if I had allowed myself the freedom to take time off in college, without worry, that I would have been happier and my grades would have been no worse.  They might actually have been better, since I would have been rested and rejuvenated.   Yet here I am years later, struggling with the same issue again, this time without the threat of a poor GPA.  I simply can’t seem to let myself relax, even for one night.  Poor Hubby; we haven’t had a “date” in ages.  It’s no fun to go to a movie when all I want to do is check my email or scribble notes for one of my projects.  
Hard to believe it’s taken me all these years to figure it out.  Too bad I wasn’t smart enough to adjust my work/study habits while I was still in college.  Imagine the fun I would have had, the memories I would have made and the grades I would have seen at the end of each term.
Even now, I wonder what kind of great work I might accomplish, if I just allowed myself some time off?  It’s worth a try.
© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved