Rookie Networking Mistakes

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Oops! Road Sign

One thing that career veterans have in common with college students or recent graduates is that we were, at one time, networking rookies.

Like rookies at pro football training camp, students must learn how to network at corporate events with executives, which is somewhat different than networking or meeting people at college mixers.

As in any sport, rookies tend to make mistakes, and that’s okay. The important thing is to learn from them.

The key to networking is preparation and practice. Makes a world of difference.  Remembering to breathe helps too.

Avoid these Rookie Networking Mistakes:

 

M.C. STAMMERER

“I, um – ah –ya, know, like, I was wondering about, like your work, like, what do you do?” “Like?”

Suggestion: Leave, like, maybe, some of those, um, words out, ya know.

Take time to prepare before you attend a networking event.  Remember, this is similar to meeting anyone new: introduce yourself, have questions to ask and topics to discuss; have your thirty- second “elevator pitch” ready.  Act interested in what people have to say.

This is not about you finding an internship or job this minute. This is about building a relationship or connection that could lead to a job prospect down the road.

 

MR. FLY-BY-THE-SEAT-OF-MY-PANTS

Rookie: “I’m studying photography so I want an internship with a ‘good’ photographer.”

Executive: “What kind of photography would you like to do?”

Rookie: “I don’t care. I just want an internship. “

Of course you care! At least you should.

By literally saying, “I don’t care”, if you’re really lucky you may find yourself scrubbing toilets for the “good” photographer while he personally works with the student who said they have a passion to learn how to light a subject correctly.

An internship is a two to three month opportunity to get experience with no strings attached. This does not have to be the work that defines you for the next thirty years.  Pick one or two areas of interest and speak up!

“I really enjoy photographing people and their animals. I would also like to learn more about the proper way to use lighting, both inside and outside”.  

I suspect that’s what the “good” photographer wants to hear.

This is your career, your life, you’re talking about. If you don’t care, no one else will.

 

PLAY DEFENSIVE TACKLE

This should go without saying but I’ve had this happen to me a few times.

Never criticize the employer of someone you just met. Never criticize a policy, an advertisement, the CEO, not one thing.

First, that person may be responsible for what you just criticized. And besides, you’ve now just put them on the defensive when you should be trying to win them over.

Smooth; real smooth.

 

MY CLOTHES WERE DIRTY SO I’M WEARING MY PJ’S

I’m not sure how many more times I can write about this; it’s driving me crazy because this should be obvious. At each event I attend there is at least one person that has yet to receive the memo.

Dress appropriately for a business networking event.

It’s simple, people! Iron your clothes. Brush your hair. Tuck in your shirt. Put on a belt. Wear shoes, not rubber flip flops.  Slacks, not shorts.

Jackets and ties are not required but concert t-shirts are a “no”. Clean, polished shoes. And ladies, if you can’t walk well in those high-heels, opt for something lower.

Please. I’m begging you.

 

WE ARE EXECUTIVES, NOT PSYCHICS

Business networking events are interesting. Career veterans are like politicians working the room, smiling, shaking hands, passing out business cards.

Rookies are shuffling their feet with their heads down or maybe standing quietly on the sidelines like wallflowers.

If I’m at an event with rookies, I generally introduce myself first and present my business card as sort of an ice-breaker. I get it; rookies are nervous.  I remember because I was a rookie at one time.

Yet we career veterans can only hold the conversation for so long, trying to guess the questions rookies want to ask us. It really helps if rookies are prepared for networking with a list of questions to ask; they can actually refer to the list if they need to.  It makes for a much more productive conversation for everyone.we don’t mind helping.

We just can’t read your mind.

 

IT’S NETWORKING; NOT INSTANT GRATIFICATION

Remember that networking is about building a relationship, something that usually takes time. We meet people at school, at work, through church and volunteer organizations or social activities, and over time we learn about each other.

A clear rookie networking mistake is when someone meets me for the first time, we’ve barely introduced ourselves, and the first question they ask is, “Do you know of any jobs for me?”

No, I don’t; we’ve just met and I know nothing about you.

Take time to know me and what it is that I do. Tell me about yourself and what you do or want to do. Let that sit for a while.  Let’s exchange business cards and stay connected on LinkedIn.

Then, when you see a job that interests you and realize that I have a connection at that company, ask me to make an introduction.

Now that’s networking.

Have You Cracked the Networking Code?

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When I was first starting out, I had no idea what it meant to network.  This is the stuff they talked about in business school yet failed to teach.

Don’t laugh but I honestly thought that networking was akin to sales cold-calling.  Since my only experience meeting new people was during our weekly after-work happy hours, I assumed that networking was similar.

Networking to me meant surveying the bar to find a friendly-looking person, grab my business card and go introduce myself.

We were already dressed in our business professional attire. We had business cards with us. This HAD to be what they were talking about, right?

Yeah, it was awkward.

And I wondered why I never got any dates.  Or made any business connections.

Luckily for me I was already networking; I just didn’t know it.

Every year I sent Christmas cards to a huge list that included relatives, friends from high school, college and business school, as well as friends of my parents that I had known since childhood.  That list expanded to include work colleagues and business associates.

Periodically I would call or email someone I hadn’t seen in a while to say hello; that would lead to lunch or dinner to catch-up in person.

As I worked my way up the corporate ladder and made business connections with suppliers, I kept their names and phone numbers in my Filofax long before we had smart phones.

I employed the same techniques with business colleagues as I did with my friends, periodically emailing or calling them or having lunch with them, even long after I had moved on to other jobs.  And I continued this relationship-building everywhere I worked.

After many years of doing this, a colleague heard me mention that Hubby and I send out hundreds of Christmas cards.  My colleague said, “You are so well-connected!”

That was the first time I ever thought that I might have cracked the networking code.

There it is; the secret of networking.  I’ve laid it out for you.

What; it’s still not clear?  Let me say it a different way:  Communicate with people you know and meet; do this regularly.

Networking, at a basic level, is keeping up with the people you know and meet.  To take it to the next level, you build a relationship with those people through work or friendships or however it is you know them.

The key is staying connected. I’m not gonna lie; it takes work to keep these relationships going.  But that’s what networking is about; building a relationship; one that is strong enough so when you need a favor like, “Will you recommend me for a job?” your network is willing and able to help.

Think you don’t have a network?  I bet you do.

Sit down and start listing all of your close friends and relatives. Then branch out to other friends; your sisters’ friends; your parents’ friends. Then everyone you know at your current job; everyone at your last job and the job before that, and so on.  List as many people as you can remember from college; your classmates, sorority or fraternity pals; friends from any clubs you belonged to, sports teams you played on, etc.  List people you know at your church, any volunteer organizations you work with, etc.

How does your list look now?  Do you have some connections?  I know you do.

And you know what?  Your connections have connections.  That’s how this starts.  Your connections can introduce you to more connections.

Remember to carry business cards with you at all times, even to a funeral (I wrote a post about this; check it out here).  You never know where or when you might meet someone.

Look at you; you’ve just cracked the networking code.  I knew you could do it.

Sound of Silence

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It’s hard for me to be still.  Like a puppy full of energy, I’m usually in constant motion.

And that includes my mouth.  I’ll admit that I have the gift of gab.  I enjoy socializing with others and good conversation.  Honestly, I could probably talk to anyone about anything.

In my defense, some of this stems from working at home. Since I’m by myself most of the time, as soon as I come in contact with another human I’m ready to chat.  I’ve tried talking to my wonderful executive assistant, but all she does is wag her tail and drool.

Hubby has a difficult time understanding that I am almost unable to sit still.  He can easily sit for hours mesmerized by TV; the only movement is his constant channel surfing.

And he has no problem being still long enough to take a nap, something that is so foreign to me I can only do it when I’m sick with a fever.

As much as I’m always in motion and ready to chat the hours away, recently I’ve discovered the power of silence.

Sitting at my desk, I had been trying to focus on some projects as well as my personal business strategy.  Yet my thoughts were all over the board.

Frustrated and desperate, I decided to sit outside for a few minutes.  I thought I may as well get some fresh air for a change.

Sitting in the back yard, I sat in silence without any electronic devices and only the birds chirping as I closed my eyes and tried to focus on breathing.

I let my mind wander in no particular direction.  As I enjoyed the warmth of the sun and the silence, my mind suddenly clicked into focus.

Answers to problems started entering my mind where before there was confusion.  Creative ideas started flowing again.  It was like a dam burst and I went back inside to jot down my thoughts.

Silence, it turns out, is a gift for all of us.  And if you listen closely, silence makes a sound.

The sound of silence is the clear thinking that comes with being away from the constant barrage of noise and information that our electronic devices provide.

The sound of silence is free from constantly talking about something and actually thinking about it instead.

If we can tap into the silence, we may find that the answer we need is right in front of us.

Now that I think about it – thanks to sitting in the backyard – I remember that I used to get some of my best thinking done during long walks with our dog.  We had a great time roaming the neighborhood for half an hour at a time, and I would return home refreshed.

Unfortunately I’ve lost some of the opportunities to hear the silence as our dog is in her mature years with a hip issue and our walks have decreased in duration. Now I’m going to seek out other ways to hear the silence.

Whatever situation we are in, whether it’s looking for a new job, developing a strategy or simply trying to complete an assignment, we should tap into the silence for awhile and see what kind of answers we find.

Silence really does make a sound.

Career Smacks

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“Smoothie of the day?” said the male voice.  I looked up from my chaise in the shaded cabana, romance novel in one hand.  “Of course!” I replied.   Hubby and I looked at each other and sighed.  Every hour, on the hour, a uniformed cabana host came around the pool offering guests a variety of treats.  They even offered to clean our sunglasses.

Yes, Hubby and I live a luxurious life.

On vacation, that is.

Each summer we spend a week in a luxurious parallel universe, one that allows us to pretend that we are “somebody”; one in which we are waited on hand and foot.

Many wonder why we do this.  We wonder why others don’t do this.

Our philosophy? If we can’t live this way year ‘round, we can certainly live this way for one glorious week.

And really, why not? We work hard. We usually take only one vacation a year.  So it had better be good.

Similar to waiting for Christmas when we were kids, Hubby and I wait for this trip all year. Literally. Less than 48 hours after arriving home and we already start planning for next year.

Arriving at the resort is ecstasy and departing is pure anguish; sometimes downright embarrassing. I “might” have shed a tear or two.  Okay, I openly sobbed as Hubby tried to pry my fingers off of the chaise as the sun disappeared over the horizon our last day.

No matter how long we stay it’s never enough.  Perhaps we need to re-think our at-home relaxation strategy so we are not upset at leaving?

Yet we know that at some point we must return home, back to the “real world”.

This time, we tried to prepare for re-entry.  We talked about a couple weekend trips planned for the fall.

Hubby and I swore on our pool-side smoothies that we would book one of our every-other-year “adventure” vacations.  We even pinky-swore that we would return to our favorite luxury resort for a long weekend this winter.

We departed feeling a bit better and less disappointed about returning home to our responsibilities.

As we deplaned we joked about the “re-entry” time, saying it doesn’t take long to get back to reality.

Folks, it takes exactly twenty-seven minutes.  That’s scientific.  It was the amount of time it took to deplane, get our bags, find our car and realize that we had a dead battery.

Nothing like the sound of “click-click-click” coming from the engine at 9:30 pm in a dark parking garage.

Sigh.

Smack!  That was the sound of reality, hitting us hard.  We tried to put on a brave face.  We tried to laugh at this sudden turn of events.  I tried not to cry.  We both tried
not to sweat in the hot parking garage.

Life is like that.  We plan, we prepare and even with our best intentions we can still get smacked in the face.

Yet this time was different.  Somehow both Hubby and I were able to keep the dead battery incident in perspective.

Instead of crying, I looked at Hubby and we both started to laugh. Seeing the humor, I immediately posted on social media about our “re-entry” debacle.

As luck would have it, a good friend saw my post and came to our rescue with cold water and jumper cables.

Just like that, we were back on track.

Similarly, at some point our career will smack us in the face.  It could be the promotion that got away, or an unexpected department shuffle, or something as serious as a job loss.  We can’t control it.  But we can control how we react to these “career smacks”.

Plan what you can, such as maintaining an up-to-date resume.  If your career does smack you, try to put things in perspective.  Reach out to your contacts for help.  You never know who might be available.

As for Hubby and me, one dead battery was no match for us.  We are already planning another trip.  And next time we’ll have a spare battery in the car, just in case.

Goodbye, Blockbuster!

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There are times when the sun, moon and stars all align in perfect combination, a time when things go just right.  It could be a chance meeting with that special someone; the day on the golf course with the unbelievable hole-in-one; the too-good-to-be-true designer handbag bargain that makes you the envy of friends.

It’s kind of like having the much sought-after “it” factor on American Idol.  There’s really no preparation for this, and when someone asks about it you can’t explain it.

A few of us are fortunate enough to experience such celestial alignment during our career, and I count myself lucky to be one of those people.

As with most things, I didn’t realize how great it was until it was over.  I accepted the job because it was a good opportunity with a major brand.  We were a tight-knit group despite being a large corporation.  Lots of smart people who liked to have fun at work too.  Didn’t matter that we worked long hours; we enjoyed our jobs and working together.  It was awesome.

I’ve moved on to other things now and haven’t worked at the company in a few years, yet it’s hitting me hard to see the “Store Closing” signs on one of the few remaining locations.  I went inside for one last walk down memory lane.

A mix of emotions came flooding over me.  While the décor had a garage-sale vibe, in my mind I pictured walking through a beautifully decorated store with the executive team as we discussed our ideas for a new promotion.  I remembered that every Tuesday was exciting because new movies arrived.  Real excitement came with the midnight release parties when people would line up for hours to be the first to purchase a new movie or game.

Or when a star would come to the corporate office and we could have pictures taken.  I remember one such star arrived with a dog. The dog decided to explore the office on his own and wound up at my desk.  A bit smelly and slobbery, but it was a nice distraction.

Friends and industry leaders laughed at the company and our desire to work there.  The movie industry that we supported even poked fun – who can forget the film “Be Kind, Rewind”? Sometimes it was tough to hold our heads up, but we did.  They didn’t understand the “it” factor we all knew about.  

It was an unusual business in many ways.  When bad news or bad weather came, our business boomed.  Amazing that people who were unable to drive to work due to all kinds of weather could somehow make it to our stores for movies and popcorn.

I know what you’re thinking.  Who cares? It was just a job with an outdated business model.  Besides, everything is digital nowadays.

Things may be digital – which, by the way, the company offered – yet so much of the experience can’t be replicated through digital means.  And as a work place, we were family.

Was this the only good place to work?  Of course not! There are other great companies out there with awesome teams and cultures.  I just hope wherever you are, that you’ll take a moment to look around and be thankful for whatever it is your current company offers as an “it” factor.

Goodbye, Blockbuster!  Sad to see you go, old friend.

A Phone Call Changes Everything

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It’s usually not a good thing when the phone rings before 8:00 am.  Mom sounded nervous, telling me she didn’t feel well.  Hubby and I raced her to the doctor, and then to the ER.  Losing feeling and movement in any part of your body is not good.

Tests were started in the ER and when it was determined her condition was stable, we transferred to a room and waited while they took more tests.  And waited, and waited….

The waiting seemed so long.  My only solace was texting Hubby who had gone to work, or watching TV, scrolling through Facebook or playing solitaire.  I had rushed out of the house that morning with just my handbag and phone; thank goodness I had a charger with me.

The good news is that her hand showed improvement within hours.  Bad news is that this happened on a Friday and weekends are definitely not a good time to be in a hospital – ask anyone who’s been there.  Skeleton staff makes it almost impossible to get tests done and read.   Not sure why they don’t have a full team that works weekends too.  Illness doesn’t take a holiday.

More good news; mom is improving and is now at our house.  Her hand, while not 100%, continues to show signs of improvement.  Tests revealed no major issues.  This was clearly a fluke, and she was lucky.

I had lots of time to think during those days in the hospital.  Too much time, in fact.  Thinking about mom, wondering how I’m going to help her without taking independence away; how am I going to “not worry” about her?  It’s sobering to realize that her life – my life – changed with one phone call.

What I didn’t think about during this time was work.  Funny how that happens.  I had worked late for three nights leading up to this, completely stressed-out about things. While I was sitting in the hospital, I honestly couldn’t tell you what I had been working on that week or why it had seemed so important.

A phone call, that’s all it took to get perspective.  Suddenly I would have given anything to simply be stressed out from work.  That would be easy.  Sitting in a hospital with your loved one is not.

There’s not even any hospital drama or shenanigans like you see on Grey’s Anatomy.  At least that would have been a distraction!  Where’s a hot doctor when you need one? And the Grey’s Anatomy hospital seems to be fully staffed every day and at all hours.  Hardly real-life.

So what’s my point?  I guess I don’t really have a fun business story today.  Except to say that wherever you are in your career – happy with work, not happy, laid off and looking – remember to keep work in perspective.  It’s important, but other things are more important.

One phone call is all it takes to change your life in an instant.  And trust me, you won’t care anymore about work, the stress, the pay, the coworkers, the clients – anything.

If My Alarm Clock Is The Key To Success, I May As Well Go Back To Bed

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Alarm clock

I’m a night-owl by nature.  My body clock is set so that I get a natural rush of energy in the late afternoon.  When most of my coworkers are winding down, I’m revving up to crank out the work.  This happens again around 9 pm. If I’m not careful, I can easily be up until midnight or later.

Hubby is programmed the same way.  The good news is that our wake/sleep schedules are compatible. The bad news is that our snooze alarms go off for at least an hour in the morning.  Prying us out of bed is next to impossible.  The dog has given up on ever getting her breakfast at a decent hour.

We’ve tried everything to switch our body clocks but have come to the realization that we are night people.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Except Forbes just wrote a piece that basically says to be super successful one has to be an early riser, stating that morning people have been found to be more productive and proactive than those of us who prefer to work in the evening.

According to the article, this is a common trait among CEO’s, government officials and other influential people.  Examples of successful early risers include Margaret Thatcher, Frank Lloyd Wright and Disney CEO Roger Iger.

Well, I can explain these three: Margaret Thatcher lived in London where the weather is all sorts of gloomy.  If she wanted to see the sun she probably had to watch it rise.  Frank Lloyd Wright was living outside at his various Taliesin sites, communing with nature to create the perfect building.  And Roger Iger has to be up; he’s got all those kids and parents pounding at the park gates to get in to the rides.

To entice us to be more successful, Forbes lists 5 things super successful people do before 8 am.  I’m here to tell you why this will not work.

EXERCISE

Forbes says: Exercising before work gives you a boost of energy for the day and that deserved sense of accomplishment. Anyone can tackle a pile of paperwork after 200 ab reps! Morning workouts also eliminate the possibility of flaking out on your cardio after a long day at work.

I Say: First, it’s difficult and dangerous to exercise when you are still asleep.  Treadmills and weights require a certain amount of attention.  Besides, my hair looks terrible and I smell bad in the morning.  The only sense of accomplishment I get from a morning workout is that I get to pick up a cappuccino and donut on the way home, negating the positive effect of the workout. So you can see why exercising in the morning is a bad idea.

MAP OUT YOUR DAY

Forbes says: Basically what they mean is to get your to-do list and thoughts in order during the quiet time before others are up and at the office.  With uninterrupted time, you can also solve some problems.  They also suggest planning a 10 minute break in your schedule to walk around the block or meditate during the day.

I say:  So I’m supposed to sleep peacefully trying to remember the stuff to put on my to-do list in the morning? Sounds like a nightmare to me. Better to scribble to-dos on a Post-It and stick on my computer before leaving the office.  Ever try meditating at work? Especially in a cubicle?  The stares from co-workers and comments like, “Is she alive?” are not conducive to becoming one with the office and at peace with that nasty to-do list.

EAT A HEALTHY BREAKFAST

Forbes says: Take extra time in the morning to fuel your body for the tasks ahead of it. It will help keep your mind on what’s at hand and not your growling stomach.

I say: Would love to have time for this, Forbes.  I’ll get back to you when I get a personal chef to cook for me.  Right now I’ll have to stick with to-go items like granola bars and coffee in a travel mug, or if I’m lucky a piece of toast.  Even the dog is happy if I just remember to throw some kibble in her bowl.

VISUALIZATION

Forbes says: Take a moment to visualize your day ahead of you, focusing on the successes you will have. Even just a minute of visualization and positive thinking can help improve your mood and outlook on your work load for the day.

I say: I’ve nailed this one.  In fact, I’m visualizing my day right now.  It’s going to be crazy busy, with the phones ringing off the hook, an in-box with 100 emails and a series of unplanned meetings that rip my to-do list out of my hands.  Somehow this visualization exercise has not improved my mood.  Duh.

MAKE YOUR DAY TOP HEAVY

Forbes says: Here’s an easy tip to save yourself the stress – do that least desirable task on your list first. …. The morning is the time when you are (generally) more well-rested and your energy level is up. Therefore, you are more well-equipped to handle more difficult projects. And look at it this way, your day will get progressively easier, not the other way around. By the time your work day is ending, you’re winding down with easier to dos and heading into your free time more relaxed. Success!

I Say:  Here’s a better idea: let’s just forget about that least desirable task altogether, shall we? First thing in the morning I haven’t had enough coffee yet to read the paper much less handle anything important and undesirable.  Besides, my entire day is heavy.  Sweeping that task under the rug isn’t going to hurt anyone, is it?  Out of sight and out of mind equals success, right?

I certainly respect Forbes’ POV on this subject.  But I’m sure you agree that my way is better.

If U Cn Rd This Msg U R Old

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I was just told by a team member that I’m old.   Not in so many words, but the underlying message was there. No doubt about it.

It happened during an IM-Skype conversation at work, which seems ridiculous to me since we sit about ten feet away.  Not sure why we Skype instead of walking over to chat in person.  It’s the culture of the organization and of course I want to fit in, so I Skype away like everyone else.

Something of importance to this story is that I happen to be a bit more “mature” than many of the employees, and definitely older than this team member.

This particular conversation was nothing special; a mixture of work and side comments when suddenly it turned on me.  She had misspelled a word and was trying to explain herself.  I’ll let you take a look:

Her – oops; im terrible at typing

Me – typing or spelling?

Her – it’s because Im too dependent on spell check

Me – you youngsters! How about a dictionary?

Her – I know; it’s pathetic

To which I typed a humorous response in what I thought was “IM-approved” lingo:

“u r rt, oldr peeps r so annoying”

Her reply?

“Ha! My aunt texts like that – it’s hilarious!”

What?!  Did she just call me out as being “uncool”?  I think it’s worse than that; she thinks I’m old!

Augh!  I don’t want to be hilarious like her aunt, who’s got to be way older than I am.  More importantly, I don’t want to appear “old”.  Hmph.  Just when I think I’ve become an accepted member of the team, and now they think I’m old.

But I can’t be that old.  Not only am I on Skype but my Twitter feed is pinging away with new followers and my latest Pinterest board is on fire. Geez.

If the ability to spell without spellcheck makes me old, then I guess I am. I just never realized that spelling was “old school”.

Bt u cn rd this txt, cnt u?

Ha! You’re old too.

Career Do-Overs

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Success and Failure Road Sign with dramatic clouds and sky.

Recently I was a panel member for a discussion with graduate business students.  These discussions are always interesting – I’m just as interested in the answers from the other panel members as the students.

This discussion topic was something I had not talked about before with a group.  The question posed: “What has been your biggest career mistake?”

Wow! I asked the moderator how much time we had.  Speaking for myself, I knew that it could take a while to sort out all of the mistakes I’ve made throughout my career.

Luckily we had been given warning of the topic.  All four panel members, including myself, had a written list of career mistakes we wanted to share.

One by one, we told of our mistakes, our embarrassments, our failures.  We each had, at one time or another, wished for a career “do-over” – one of those things where you say, “If I had a chance to do it over, I would….”

Note that this was not a sad or depressing conversation.  We were all smiling and sometimes laughing.  It’s always easier to laugh at your own mistakes after the fact, when time has passed and we are wiser.

The most amazing thing to me is that all four of us had pretty much made the same mistakes, and we had the same messages for the students.

Learn to manage people.  This is not something that is taught in school, nor is there much training once you get into the real world.  Managing people is critical to your success at work.  Note that this includes managing your relationships with co-workers, as well as “managing up” – making sure you are communicating effectively with your boss.

Managing your boss means communicating on a regular basis to let him know what you are doing, what you need and to clarify what you believe his expectations are.  One panel member described a boss who was so poor at communicating his direction that she learned how to break it down for him and would list out exactly what she thought she heard.  He appreciated her efforts, and although it took a bit of effort on her part it helped her succeed.

Think long-term, not short-term, when it comes to job opportunities.  One panel member shared how he had a long-term goal for himself in terms of advancement.  His company offered him an opportunity that, in his mind, was a lower title and on the surface appeared to be a backward move.  He thought that accepting the opportunity would make it appear that he had been demoted, so he let his ego think for him and he declined the offer.  

Looking back, he now realizes that he missed an opportunity to learn a new part of the business and that accepting the “lower” job would have allowed him to achieve his career goal about five years sooner.   Lesson here: don’t be so focused on the short-term; step back and look at what the long-term implications might be.

The world is very small.  And guess what? It’s even smaller in your field of work. As we’ve advanced in our careers and built our professional networks, it’s become crystal clear that there are fewer than six degrees of separation between you and your next opportunity.

One panel member explained that in her field it’s not uncommon for people to leave or get laid-off, go to other jobs, and then a few years later come back to the same company.   At her new company she now is working with some of the same people she met years ago at a different company.  This is a classic example of “never burn bridges”.  You never know who you might end up working with again.

Make mistakes!  Know that you are going to make mistakes – we all do at some point.  The key to making mistakes at work and surviving is to learn from them and not to repeat them.  It’s also important to own your mistakes – accept responsibility and offer a solution to make it right.  When you make a mistake, alert the boss.  While this may sound counter-intuitive, it’s a critical part of “managing up”. Make your boss aware of the situation so he can be part of the solution.

These are all great tips and I thank my panelist-friends for sharing. But I haven’t told you about my mistake.   Here goes:  Early in my career I had a friend call with a lead on a job at a start-up firm.  I wasn’t making much money at the time but rationalized it away with the prestige my job offered.  Not to mention business trips overseas which, I argued at the time, could be considered part of my salary.

Instead of at least listening to what the new company had to offer, I didn’t even apply or try to talk to them.   Whether I would have accepted a job at the start-up is beside the point.  I turned them down before they even made me an offer.   The regret-filled “would-have”, “could-have” and “should-have” questions have followed me throughout my career.

Since that fateful mistake, I have made myself open to opportunities, even just talking and listening.  I don’t have to accept but at least I don’t turn a job down before they make me an offer.

What was this start-up that still has me thinking, “What if?”  Dell Computers.  It would have been a chance to get in on the ground floor, complete with stock options.

Now I think you can understand the impact of my mistake.  At least my retirement plan and bank account do.

Never Give Up: A Lesson From Animal House

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Stressed

One of my favorite movies of all time is Animal House.  I have watched this movie so many times that I can recite almost the entire movie from memory.

It’s one of those all-too-rare films that figured out the right formula of cast, story and inappropriateness to make a truly funny movie that is as relevant today as it was the day it opened at the box office.  Anyone who has been to college can relate to the antics of the Delta House fraternity brothers simply trying to have as much fun as possible while getting an education.

Okay, they weren’t really trying too hard on the academic front, but that’s why it’s so funny. 

The late John Belushi played a lead character named Bluto who lived college on the edge, not a care in the world, sort of rabble-rouser who was always at the center of trouble – usually as a leader.   The group wreaks so much havoc on campus that eventually the fraternity is stripped of its association with the university.  Reality comes crashing down on Bluto and his pals as university officials take possession of everything in the fraternity house.

Sitting in an empty frat house, everyone is completely down in the dumps as they realize that the partying is over.  While the fraternity members are lamenting their fate saying, “It’s over; there’s nothing else we can do”, Bluto, in a rare moment of true leadership, stands up to give an incorrect yet invigorating speech.

“Over? It’s not over!  Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

His well-intentioned speech is so passionate that the entire fraternity is energized into action, taking control of what they can.  The message was: Never Give Up.

We won’t go into the chaos that ensued due to this passion.  Rent the movie to see for yourself.

I was thinking about Bluto’s speech recently.  Overwhelmed with so much to do – career, writing, mentoring and family – it was like I hit a road block and could not figure out how to manage everything.  Everything was caving in on me with no escape.  So intense were my feelings that I could not think of a solution to turn things around.   It felt like I was sitting in the ill-fated Delta House; with no solution as to how to get out of the mess.

How many of us experience similar feelings throughout our career?  In speaking with friends and colleagues, it seems like this is more common that we’d like to believe.

Sometimes we feel trapped in a job, with no way out.  Other times we can’t figure out how to find the positive in a situation.  Many times we become mired in negativity; paralyzed and unable to think or move.   We think that there is no viable solution.  So we sit and do nothing; thinking  it’s over.

But it’s not over.  (This is where the “Germans bombing Pearl Harbor” speech comes in) We should never give up.

It’s easy to get lost when we are so close to the problem, isn’t it?  Sometimes what we need is a great impassioned speech – or maybe a swift kick in the rear – to help get us back on track.  We can either do it ourselves by taking two giant steps back from the situation to think about whatever the real problem is, or we can enlist the help of a friend who is objective enough to help point us in the right direction.

Hubby did this for me as we walked the dog.  Close enough to care about me but objective enough to not get caught up in the details; he was able to look at the problem differently than I had been.  And it was immensely helpful.

Just like Bluto’s plea in Animal House, Hubby’s speech was passionate, offering a unique plan of action that I had not thought of myself.   He reminded me to never give up; that it’s not “over”.

And luckily, Hubby knows his history, so I didn’t have to listen to a well-intentioned but incorrect history lesson.   Although such a speech would have made me laugh.