The Girl And The New Job Decision

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Decision pic

I had a big decision to make.  The magnitude of this decision weighed heavily on me, my head spinning as I ran through the options in my mind.

This seemed to be a great time to enlist the advice of trusted friends.  So I took a poll.

Do I cut my hair short, or continue to let it grow?

Yes, this was a major decision. To cut my hair or not.  After all, it takes a super long time to grow it out. Clearly this was a first-world problem, but it was important to me nonetheless.

To be clear, when it comes to my hair I’m not afraid of change. I’ve had it so long I could sit on it and so short it was almost a buzz-cut, and everything in between.

After all, it’s just hair and it does grow back.  I become very courageous in the stylist’s chair, proclaiming, “Do whatever you want!”  Most of the time, I’m lucky and walk out of the salon with an uber-stylish new ‘do.

Yet we all know that one miss-snip of the shears and we can be left with a hot mess.  And having bad hair is a downer every second of every day until it grows out.

This time I was on the fence with my decision, having spent the last year growing my hair.  It was time for a consultation. Not sure why I felt the need to get a focus group together for something as simple as a haircut.

Clearly my mind had been playing tricks on me, confusing my work projects with personal projects.

In the end, the decision was mine.  Didn’t matter what the focus group said; it’s my hair and I had to feel good about it.  Besides, there was no clear consensus among focus group participants. Shocker.

The problem with involving too many people in the decision process is just that we all have different opinions.  It may be that we really don’t want to hear the opinions of others; we may simply want validation for a decision that we’ve already made in our head.

Same thing is true for a new job decision.  We need to decide for ourselves what is best for us.

It’s okay to have a trusted advisor or two to provide an outside, objective opinion and strategic counsel.  We don’t want to make a job decision that’s based on emotion; sometimes we get so fired up about a job that we’re too close to the situation to be objective.

But the advisor’s job should be simply to provide a sounding board.  No interjecting their own biases as if they were the ones standing in your shoes.

Don’t get me wrong; friends want to help and think they have our best interests in mind.  Yet they don’t really know everything about our situation.

I’ve made this mistake before, consulting others about a new job decision.

Once, when I had to make a difficult decision to leave one job in pursuit of something totally different, a former colleague offered unsolicited advice about my decision.  And it was not pretty. This person said I was making a mistake, along with some other opinions about my career.

While I understood why my colleague would consider it a mistake for her family and financial situation, she failed to understand that my situation was very different from hers.

That was pretty much a “friend fail”, in my mind.  Note that this “advice” didn’t help me, nor did I change my mind.  It momentarily caused me to question myself – which is never good – yet ultimately it was a good lesson. It reminded me that it’s my life and my career, and I have to live with the results.

Just like my hair.  Which I did cut short, by the way.  And I’m loving it.

Three Basic Steps to Career Reinvention

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your career

Just read an article in the paper that talked about reinventing yourself in your career.  It was one of those employment advice columns, and the person asking the question basically stated that it’s not only difficult to start over when you are over forty, but it’s ridiculous.

I know what you’re thinking; someone actually reads a real newspaper?   Now that’s ridiculous.

Seriously, as someone who has reinvented herself several times during the course of my career, I think statements like this are ridiculous.  In my opinion, the person writing the question seems to be enjoying a pity-party. Hope they are having fun.

Let me share some of the different points brought up in the question:

–  Motivational speakers talk as if it’s “nothing” to follow your passion

–  Workers who were raised to follow the career paths they were told to follow or do what their parents did with jobs that offered security above everything else now find their long-term security threatened

–  When you’ve got umpteen years in the same field, no matter what kind, it’s not easy to reinvent yourself

–  How does one even find their passion to begin with

As a motivational speaker myself, not only am I offended but I would never say it’s “nothing” to follow your dreams.  After all, this is my passion, and I figured out how to do it.

Anything worth having takes energy, time and determination.  For me, even college took everything I had to make it to graduation.  But if you’re not willing to put in the effort, you’re going to be stuck in the same place.

Career reinvention at any age can be difficult, yet it’s definitely possible.  When it comes down to it, there are three basic steps:

  1. Figure out what it is you want to do.
  2. Figure out how to do it
  3. Just do it

Sounds too simple, right? 

You’re thinking, “I just wasted time to read a bunch of crazy talk”. Let me assure you that I have not lost my mind and I’m not just making this stuff up.  I’ve reinvented myself at least three times during my career; here are the biggies:

–          Engineering to retail buying

–          Retail buying to marketing

–          Marketing to public relations

–          Public relations to author and speaker

And this doesn’t count all the minor reinventions within each of those careers.

I get it. Really, I do.  It’s hard.  I can hear you saying, “But you don’t understand; you’re not in my shoes”. I agree – I’m not in your shoes.

Here’s a look at my shoes:  Hubby and I were both laid-off within one year.  Both of us are considered to be “older” workers – you know, in a “protected class” in HR terms.  We have a mortgage and other expenses, and neither of us comes from a wealthy family who could possibly lend a financial hand.

Guess what?  Both of us found ways to make money at jobs we enjoyed. I discovered a new passion and found employment that leveraged not only this passion but my career experience.

So how is it possible to successfully reinvent yourself in your career?  It’s a bit different for everyone but here are some key points that I’ve learned about this process.

  • You have to be open to new opportunities as they present themselves.  Don’t “pooh-pooh” something without hearing more about it.
  • You have to be willing to be uncomfortable.  Trying something new brings a certain level of discomfort.  Embrace it.
  • You may have to be willing to accept a lower title and/or less money.  We all have to start somewhere.
  • You may have to work at something that’s not your dream job while you figure out how to pursue your passion.
  • Don’t have a passion yet?  Take up a hobby, enroll in a class, do volunteer work or take a part-time job in a field of interest to see if anything clicks.
  • Listen to yourself and try not to be influenced by well-meaning friends and family. This is your career; not theirs.

Again, I’m not saying that it’s easy to reinvent yourself.  If finding a new career opportunity or discovering your passion was as simple as donning ruby red slippers, clicking your heels and stating, “Find my passion; find my passion”, don’t you think everyone would be doing it?

But I can say with absolute certainty that it’s possible.  And the rewards are great.

I’m sure I’ll be revisiting this topic again here on my blog.  Stay tuned. As usual, I’ve got lots to say.

Vacation Brain

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Scottsdale 2013

Ahhh…vacation!  The time to get away from it all. To refresh and re-energize.  Yep, I’m one of “those people”, the kind who believes in taking a true vacation to get away from everything for a week.  No checking email, no calling the office.  I tell the people I work with, “If the building burns, save yourself and tell me about it when I get back”.  No sense telling me when I’m not there to do anything about it.

Never have understood the concept of a “working vacation” either – isn’t that an oxymoron?  If I’m going to spend the money for a vacation I want to enjoy it – sans work.

Funny thing is that my family didn’t really take vacations.  A couple times we accompanied dad on a business trip to Florida; along the way we’d wait for him in the car or at a restaurant while he called on clients, eventually ending up at the beach for a couple days.  Every few years Sis and I would go to Grandma’s in Minnesota, but that was it.  No weekends at the lake, no ski vacations, no trips just for fun.

I learned about the beauty of a vacation after business school, when I had friends living in other cities.  Those friends would say, “Come visit sometime”, and whether they meant it or not I took them up on the offer.  Note to all of you: if you say “come visit”, know that at some point I will do just that.

It wasn’t always easy for me to take a vacation.  I was (and sometimes still am) plagued by worries: what if something “big” happens while I’m gone? What if someone needs me? What if, what if, what if?

Early on I had a great boss who heard me lamenting the “what ifs” and wisely told me, “there is NOTHING that will happen in your absence that we can’t fix when you get back”.   Logic told me she was right and I’ve tried to remember that ever since.

Last week was it – vacation time!  An entire week of fun at our favorite resort with no work in sight, and it was beyond great.  Vacation Brain kicked in for both Hubby and I as soon as we left for the airport, a definite signal that it was time to relax. We read, talked, swam, lounged and were generally lazy.  Work Brain was nowhere to be seen, as it should be during vacation.

As with all good things, our trip came to an end far too soon and my Vacation Brain reluctantly started powering down while my Work Brain tried to wake from a nice nap.  At the airport, Work Brain said it would be a good idea to download my emails so I could at least scan them on the plane.  Sounded logical, so I tried to log-on.  Note I said “tried” – for the life of me I couldn’t remember my log-in info.  Vacation Brain clearly was still in command.  After some time, I finally remembered and logged in – a small victory for Work Brain.

Hubby was having difficulty too.  Wanting to initiate a call with a co-worker, he started to send an email with his cell phone number – but Vacation Brain forbade him from remembering his own number. Work Brain, unfortunately, reminded him that I had his phone number in my phone.

Once I was online, Work Brain commanded that I look at my in-box. Yikes! How could one person have that many emails in just a week?

My mind raced as Vacation Brain was desperate to keep me in resort mode.  Looking at the subject lines, I tried to recall what I was working on when I left town.  My mind was sputtering, with a vague memory of some projects but not enough for the emails to make complete sense.

And who ARE all these people, wanting answers from me?  Do I work with them?  I could feel the tension in my head as Work Brain fought to recover information from a week ago, while Vacation Brain attempted to keep all that information hidden.  Back and forth, the battle for control raged in my head as I read the emails, trying to make sense of it all.  Once the plane landed, Work Brain started a victory dance, knowing that as soon as we exited the jet way Vacation Brain was history.

Sigh. Why is it always like this? Within seconds of returning from vacation, it’s as though we never left at all.  I enjoy my work but I really do cherish the little bit of vacation I take and I would love for the feeling to last longer than a nanosecond.

Good news is the office didn’t burn.  At least I don’t think it did.

Adventures in Working From Home

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home sweet home office

Last week I had the pleasure of being a guest columnist at MOMeo Magazine, a resource for Entrepreneurial Mothers that includes articles addressing work life, family life and playtime for mommy.   I wrote about something that touches many women (and men): adventures in working from home.

Here’s an excerpt:

As a corporate gal, I was always envious of the consultants who worked for me. They had all the perks of corporate life – interesting work, being part of a team, contributing to the company’s success – yet the benefit of doing it from home. I was sure they had discovered Utopia; at least that’s the way it appeared from my view in cubicle land.

You can imagine my delight when I began consulting. This is it, I thought. No more commute, no listening to unexplained noises coming from the cube next door, no more drive-by impromptu “meetings” from colleagues who have a little too much time on their hands.

Working from home has been pure bliss; wonderful; everything I thought it would be!

That’s not entirely true. Let me tell you what I’ve learned about working from home.

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Click here to read the rest of the post, and please feel free to leave a comment on MOMeo, retweet it or Facebook it. I’ve had such a great response to this piece!

I look forward to further contributions to MOMeo and other publications in the future.

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Project Tango: Dancing With a Deadline

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Sometimes I wonder why I ever bother with planning. Try as I might to have a plan in place to keep my hectic life in order, somehow things change and the plan becomes more of a guideline. This is okay in many aspects, such as weekend social plans. I actually prefer doing things “spur of the moment” instead of having every waking minute of the weekend scheduled. While Hubby and I are usually good planners for big social events, we win the prize for lack of planning when it comes to regular weekend activities.

Given our very hectic and incredibly structured work weeks, this laid-back weekend approach is a nice change. There are drawbacks, of course, as you would expect with a lack of planning. The newest and best restaurants get booked in advance, so we can’t arrive without a reservation at the normal dinner hour of seven and expect to be seated at a table before ten. Go figure. And because we lack the energy to plan most of our weekend social events, we sometimes miss opportunities for serious fun. I mean, should I really look at the paper or internet for fun and exciting local entertainment? Seriously, who has time for that? No, I’m not bitter that we missed our favorite local band that played last night. Close by, at a great venue. For free! It’s Hubby’s fault, I tell you, that we didn’t get to dance the night away. Hubby says, “whatever”. He’s not bitter either.

Where lack of planning becomes a real issue is with work projects. Hubby and I both work in industries that require a great deal of planning, yet also require a great deal of flexibility. Simply getting a project approved to start takes some serious patience and lots of work. Once approved, projects start and stop multiple times, details of the project are in constant flux, and even deadlines may change. It’s enough to make a person go mad.

I like to think that I’ve grown accustomed to my industry, with all of the changes and last minute do-over’s. But lately it’s getting the best of me. A planner at heart, I like to have some sort of organization and schedule. Plans are necessary as they provide a roadmap not only for the company but also my team. Plans allow me to manage more effectively, and hopefully maintain some work-life balance. In theory, anyway. Since I never seem to get to stay with my plan, I’m not sure that it would really work.

Planning for work is sort of like doing the tango, a passionate dance that moves back and forth with aggression and purpose, each side trying to wrestle the other one to their way of thinking. I’ve had a project on the calendar for more than a month now, leading the team through the various stages, each week building on the information from the previous week in an attempt to meet our deadline without causing everyone to pull an all-nighter at the last minute. There’s that “work-life balance” thing again.

It’s occurred to me as we enter the last stretch of the project that no matter how hard I’ve planned or how hard the team has worked, we are probably going to pull an all-nighter. In our “project tango”, the rest of our projects will get pushed to the side; we’ll work non-stop in the final days to finish the current project as changes fly at us right and left, and then, without a minute to rest, we have to pick up the pieces of the other “planned” projects that were ignored as we tangoed the project out the door.

My conclusion on work planning: the only good thing about doing the “project tango” is finally the music stops and the dance is finished; we’ve made the deadline. The bad news: we’ve rearranged all of our other project plans and we can see more all-nighters on the horizon.

The music starts, and the dance begins. Project Tango is underway again.

Stretchy Pants – They’re Not Just for Women Anymore

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My first job out of grad school was working in the buying office of a major fashion retailer.  “Dressing for Success” took on a whole new meaning since it was expected that we would wear the clothes, look the part, walk-the-walk and talk-the-talk.  Every day was a fashion show at work, with everyone dressed in their finest. No such thing as wearing out-dated fashions; only the newest styles would do. This was a great environment for a fashionista like me, a natural-born shopper who always wanted (and still wants) to wear the latest trends.

At the time, the biggest challenge was having the money to purchase said trends.  After all, I had student loans and a car payment on top of normal living expenses, and my salary didn’t exactly match the price tags on the clothes.  Somehow I made it work and enjoyed strutting my stuff down the halls of the office as though I were on a fashion show catwalk.  Never mind that at the towering height of 5’2” I wasn’t anywhere close to being a model, at least I could pretend by wearing designer clothes.

Several companies later and my interest in wearing the latest fashions at work has calmed a bit.  Especially with the trend towards “business casual”, although I still haven’t quite figured out what that really means. I think it’s a secret code for “wear whatever you want”.  Even though I have become accustomed to “business casual”, I have always tried to be fashion-forward.

Then the lay-off hit and I began consulting, which meant working from home.  No longer would anyone see me strut my stuff at work.  Just the dog, and quite honestly, the only interest she’s ever shown in my clothing is to try and shed as much as possible on me.  In her mind, no outfit is complete unless it is accessorized by dog hair.

Because of the layoff I discovered what many of you who work from home already knew: it doesn’t matter what you wear at home.  Jeans, gym clothes – even PJ’s – make the cut.  Unless you’re on a video Skype, there’s no reason NOT to be comfortable.  And for many of us, that means stretchy pants.  Women have known since the ‘80’s that stretchy pants may not always make a fashion statement but at least they are comfortable.  We’ve always had this as “our little secret”, something only for girls.

Boy was I surprised to recently find out that our little secret is out, ladies.  Guys apparently have stretchy pants too, and are not afraid to admit it.  This was recently revealed to me by a male colleague who freely stated that working at home was great because he could be comfortable in his stretchy pants.  After I stopped laughing, I realized he was serious.

Let me stop you before you start pinging me with comments like, “He’s probably over-weight, older, not fashion conscious and still single”.  You would be correct only in that he’s single, but I’m pretty sure that’s by choice.  This colleague is handsome, twenty-something and not a pound over-weight.  At least from what I can tell; I try not to stare too much.  He’s a new colleague and I don’t want to appear too “Mrs. Robinson”, not to mention that Hubby is my prince charming.  I’m only interested in this because I didn’t think young, hip guys knew about stretchy pants.

In all fairness to my new colleague, Hubby has his version of stretchy pants which he has dubbed, “sit-around-naked-pants” – meaning they are so comfortable it’s like wearing nothing at all, which he would never do because that would be just wrong or creepy.  Not in a fifty-shades kind of way, but, you know what I mean.  Sigh…Hubby is not going to like this post.

All this to say that whether you’ve been laid-off and are looking for work, or simply working from the comfort of your home office, one of the benefits is  wearing what you want without worrying about putting on a fashion show.

Stretchy pants – they’re not just for women anymore.

If Elected as Your Boss, I Promise To…

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It’s Election Day – FINALLY!  I, for one, will be thrilled when the campaigning ends and we can get back to what’s really important in TV land: dancing, singing and real housewives.  I mean really, with all of this campaigning there’s been almost zero news about the Kardashian’s lately.  Surely there’s some new scandal in their lives. 

For the last however many months, all we’ve heard is mostly polite arguing, with each side trying to prove the other wrong.  And don’t get me started on the debates.  Hubby and I tried to take notes as we listened and watched, hoping to see a real strategy, with clear objectives and defined tactics that could be executed as soon as the inauguration takes place.   I know, I know.  That would be a miracle.  It seems like we elect people who are the least offensive, but not necessarily the best.  Some sort of cynicism must set in since we’ve heard the promises before, and know that the elected party doesn’t always make good on those promises.

All this campaigning and promise-making got me to thinking: what would happen if we could elect our bosses at work?  What if they had to be accountable to us, outlining their strategic plans, objectives and tactics, knowing full-well that if they didn’t deliver as promised we, the employees, not the board of directors, might vote them out at the next election?  Sounds interesting to me.

I can see it now: signs would be plastered all over the conference rooms, the elevators, the break room and cafeteria.  HR would have to step in to control the amount of buttons and other campaign materials handed out at the office.  No work would get done as lobbying for votes would be in full-effect, with each boss candidate promising more than the other.  One would offer higher salaries, the other would offer more vacation time.  Both would offer shorter work weeks as well as the privilege of wearing shorts and flip-flops to the office.  I imagine a campaign speech to go something like this:

Trust me with your vote – I’ve been in your flip-flops! The customers are cranky, the hours are long and I feel your pain! The office space is cramped, the conference rooms are few and the air is either too hot or too cold.  I know what it’s like to be working at a low-level, without an opportunity to rise to the top.  OK, maybe I haven’t actually been in your flip-flops because as a boss I don’t wear those, but I know someone who knows someone that’s been there.  Anyway, if elected as your boss, I promise to remove the cranky customers and reduce your working hours.  Well, maybe I’ll just have a nice chat with the customers; after all we need them, even if they are cranky. And I promise to at least pretend to look into reducing work hours.  More importantly, no more generic coffee in the break rooms! I’ll hire trained baristas to make fancy coffee drinks for your enjoyment.  Actually, maybe the entire department can be cross-trained as baristas, with each of you taking a different day of the week to make the coffee drinks.  See? I’ve already improved working conditions by adding barista experience to your resume!  Each employee will get a personal fan and space heater to control air temperature.  You may work long hours, but at least you’ll have control over your cubicle temperature.  See, I know how to make your work life better.  Trust me!

After all the speeches were said and the campaigning done, we’d get to vote for the person we’d prefer to have as our boss for the next couple of years.  And if that person didn’t keep his or her campaign promises, we would have the luxury of letting them know we will not re-elect them as boss next time around.  Wow – I can feel the power already!  But really, do I want to have to do this all the time? 

All kidding aside, I take voting for elected officials – especially the President – very seriously. So does Hubby. We stood in line with about a hundred others during early voting, to make sure our voices were heard.  With all the mud-slinging – I mean, campaigning – going on, sometimes you wonder if it’s worth the effort.  Having been to countries dominated by men, where you have to dip your finger in ink to vote, Hubby and I know that this is a privilege that too few in the world are granted.

I hope you take a moment today and vote, if you haven’t already.  It’s worth the time.

What Do Study Habits Have to Do With Work?

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I just figured out what my biggest problem was in college.  I studied too much. 
And how did I come to this revelation, you ask?  Especially now, since I’ve been out of school for quite some time, it seems like an odd thing to be concerned with.  If you look at my transcript – especially from undergrad – one would argue that I didn’t study enough.  Those grades sure don’t look like that of the next Einstein. 
I have to credit being laid-off for giving me the insight to see that I studied too much in college.  Try to follow me on this; I know I’m sounding like I’ve either pulled an all-nighter and need sleep or that I’ve lost my mind.  
When the lay-off hit, I began consulting.  I looked forward to setting my own hours and working from home instead of having to commute to an office each day.  Getting started wasn’t too difficult, and before long I had a few clients.  One thing led to another and my work expanded, including some very fulfilling personal projects.  Then I was offered a job that allowed me to work in the office several days a week, while maintaining one day a week for my personal projects.  It seemed like the best of both worlds.
That was more than a year ago, and now I’m exhausted.  While it is the “best of both worlds”, it’s more than a full schedule.  I’ve got four action-packed days at the office followed by three more work-filled days at home.  Somewhere in there I’m supposed to relax and have fun.  Yes, my work for the company is interesting but it’s also intense.  And while my personal projects are very fulfilling, they are also creative in nature and take more time to complete than I thought.  So it feels like I’m working seven days a week. All.The.Time. 
This is exactly the same thing that happened to me when it came to studying in college.  With demanding classes I felt like I should be studying every waking moment.  Sure I had fun, never missing a football game and working in time for friends, yet deep down it was hard for me to relax, even for a night.  It was the feeling that I had, that I needed to be studying rather than having fun that caused me so much stress. 
It’s the same stress I have now, like there’s so much to do that I can never stop working. With both of these great jobs I find myself unable to break away from work, even for a short time. The fear is that if I take time to have fun or take a day off, I’ll miss self-imposed deadlines or that I’ll never catch up.  I find myself not accepting social invitations because I know that I have work to do. Hmmm…this sounds familiar. Haven’t I seen this movie?
If I had been smart in college I would have learned how to handle this situation by paying attention to one of my friends.  On the surface it appeared that this very smart individual didn’t care about grades – and in some respect that’s true. It seemed as though he didn’t worry about studying and had lots of fun.  His approach? He figured out exactly what he needed to do to make the minimum passing grade – and he did that.  Not too smart, huh?  Actually it was brilliant, and I wish I’d followed his lead. He spent his extra time exploring other interests and thinking in a more entrepreneurial way about life after college rather than feeling guilty for not spending all his time studying.   Yes, he graduated. Not with honors but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care.  Now a successful businessman, he’s flying his personal airplane around the country while I still have to hunt for air fares and fly commercial.
My hunch is that if I had allowed myself the freedom to take time off in college, without worry, that I would have been happier and my grades would have been no worse.  They might actually have been better, since I would have been rested and rejuvenated.   Yet here I am years later, struggling with the same issue again, this time without the threat of a poor GPA.  I simply can’t seem to let myself relax, even for one night.  Poor Hubby; we haven’t had a “date” in ages.  It’s no fun to go to a movie when all I want to do is check my email or scribble notes for one of my projects.  
Hard to believe it’s taken me all these years to figure it out.  Too bad I wasn’t smart enough to adjust my work/study habits while I was still in college.  Imagine the fun I would have had, the memories I would have made and the grades I would have seen at the end of each term.
Even now, I wonder what kind of great work I might accomplish, if I just allowed myself some time off?  It’s worth a try.
© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

You’re Not the Boss of Me

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Little kids, especially toddlers, are fearless, aren’t they?  Not necessarily in a physical sense, like being unafraid of climbing the highest tree or skating downhill without a plan for stopping.  I’m thinking more about how they approach life.  While they understand a pecking order and that the very tall people (a.k.a. parents, older relatives, teachers) seem to make the rules, kids in general are willing to push limits with the tall people to make their voice heard in an attempt to get what they want. 

You know what I’m talking about.  There’s a phrase that I bet most children have shouted, muttered or pouted at one time or another. It’s usually uttered after a tall person has tried to tell them what to do.   With much foot stomping, tears, little fists held high and as much drama as they can muster, they let out “You’re not the boss of me!”

At this point, tall people – especially those who are not the parents – try to hide their laughter and maintain some sense of hierarchy to calm the one-person mutiny that is underway. 

While I don’t have kids of my own, I know this from my nieces and nephews.  Even my dog says “You’re not the boss of me”, although hers is more of an evil-eye, like “You may have stopped me from chewing the couch now, but I’ll leave you a present someday when you least expect it”. 

As adults, wouldn’t it be nice to have such a phrase to use at work?  I can see it now: sitting in a meeting with other execs, when the boss gives directions that no one wants to follow.  Wouldn’t it be great to say, “No, I’m not going to do that; you’re not the boss of me!”? 

Somehow I don’t think that would go over too well.

We are all used to the pecking order, and when a lay-off hits we find ourselves facing a new hierarchy.  Without a boss, I suddenly found myself in charge, especially since I began consulting.  Some call it self-motivation or being an entrepreneur, but all that really means is that you boss yourself. Great. It’s hard enough to have a boss or be a boss, but double the trouble if you are both employee and boss. Those conversations are pretty funny too.

“No, I’m not interested in working on this project”.  “But you have to; there’s no one else here to do it.”  “I’ll get to it when I feel like it.”  “No, you need to work on it now.”  “Don’t tell me what to do; I am the boss of me!”

These personal tantrums can go on indefinitely, with no one else to mediate.

At times I have felt like I have split personality disorder.  I’m sure the people at the local coffee house have wondered who I am talking to as I sit alone working on my laptop, having a heated discussion with no one about the work I am supposed to be doing.   

Unfortunately I AM the boss of me.  So I have to motivate myself to do work that sometimes I just don’t feel like doing.  How do I motivate myself?  Here are some tricks I use:

–          Set time limits. If I get my work done by X time, then I can go out to lunch vs. eating at home.  Food is always a good motivator for me.

–          Have small treats that feel like huge rewards.  For example, when I complete a certain portion of my work, I treat myself by spending 10 minutes sitting by the pool with the latest magazine.  Doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but even 10 minutes outside does wonders for me.  Besides, with temps in the triple digits, 10 minutes is about all I can take.

–          Sometimes I allow for “reverse motivation” – meaning, I’ll get up earlier than normal so I can read the paper over breakfast at the local coffee house (there’s that food motivator again).  It really doesn’t take much more time than eating at home, yet it feels like a wonderful treat to get motivated for the day. I mean, who doesn’t love a good pastry in the morning?

–          Schedule, schedule, schedule! Including other things during the work day, such as a specific time to go to the gym. The more things I have on my schedule, the more productive I actually become.  With deadlines to meet I know my work must be completed in order to make my gym time.  Of course, since I don’t like to go to the gym this can be counter-productive, although it does allow me to continue with my “morning treat” motivation listed above.    

Are these fool proof? No.  Do they prevent me from dilly-dallying and daydreaming, putting off work that needs to get done?  Sometimes, but not always.  Yet I need them to keep some sense of order, and provide some way to motivate myself to keep moving forward.  

Fun part is that I get to set the rules. After all, I am the boss of me.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Reading Between the Lines

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I’m not good at reading between the lines. Vagueness or ambiguity is totally lost on me. That’s probably why I was not too good at dating.  Never understood why guys could not be honest and direct enough to say, “You’re nice but I’d just rather be friends”.  Tough words to hear, but much better than waiting to see if he’s going to call you again. 

This hasn’t changed for me, even in marriage. Hubby learned the hard way that it’s best to just man-up and tell me what’s on his mind.  Otherwise my mind will come up with all sorts of crazy notions about what he wants to say, which are usually wrong, and we’ll end up having a rather loud and lively “discussion” with tears flowing and the dog cowering under the bed.  Definitely not fun.  

When I started my career, business communications were right up my alley: clear, concise and direct.  I was expected to be tough and get the job done. Best to ask questions, recap meetings and lay it all out there so everyone understands the expectations. Doesn’t seem too hard, does it?  My mantra became, “say what you mean and mean what you say”. In a nice way, of course. There’s usually a way to get your point across without being rude. 

Some years ago I noticed a trend away from direct communications, even in business discussions.  Seems like everyone is afraid of offending others by being too direct, and in an attempt to be super nice, we’ve lost our ability to communicate with clarity. 

At work I’ve always said that if you want to ask me to lunch, just ask me.  If you come to my office and say, “I really like pizza”, I think you’re just making a statement – although sort of an odd one at work.  Never would I think that you are trying to tell me “grab your purse so we can head to the cafeteria”.

Why do I have to say “I’m reaching out to someone” instead of “I’m calling him”?  What does “so we’re good, right” mean?  Whatever happened to clearly stating what you need, so the recipient has a good understanding of your expectations?  At least with clear direction, the recipient can ask questions.  Some communications are so vague they are open for interpretation, which is not good for either side.

Recently I’ve noticed that I’m starting to move to “the dark side” in an attempt to fit in with the new corporate culture, using vague communications so as to not offend anyone with my direct-but-polite approach. Yet all this has done is got me in trouble.  A recent email I sent went something like this:

What I said: “Based on yesterday’s discussion, we need to organize and host the upcoming meeting. Would you like to take the lead on this?”  Notice my super-nice phrase, “take the lead” – nothing wrong here, right? After all, I wouldn’t want to insult the recipient by spelling out my expectations, would I?

What I meant: “Will you be the point person to manage this project and all that’s included to see this to completion, such as inviting attendees, developing the agenda, ordering food and preparing the presentation or assigning others to help in the presentation?”     

The response I got: I would love to be there, thanks for inviting me. I’d be happy to show them around the office.

HUH?  This person either totally misunderstood my uber-polite email, which is scary in itself, OR this is an uber-polite-yet-so-subtle-that-I-don’t-get-it way of saying, “No, I’m not able to/interested in taking the lead on this project”.   

I used to think this was mainly an issue with younger people, those who have been brought up never hearing the word “no”, always believing they are “winners”, the ones with parents who coddled them a bit too much.  But I’ve noticed it in older employees too.  Maybe it’s a function of career path – I started out in a traditional, well-established business environment that had structure, and clear communication may have been easier to learn than if my career had begun at a small start-up company where things were done on the fly without much organization. 

However this trend began, I know I’m not a fan.  Seems like we’re either writing fluffy emails or tip-toeing around with our spoken words, fearful that we may come across as negative or hurt someone’s feelings if we use more direct communication. The result is often misunderstanding and confusion and we end up spending more time trying to clarify our meaning than if we had been clear and concise to begin with. Ugh.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. That’s all I’m gonna say.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved