We all have an inner “someone”, a persona that others rarely see but that’s just beneath the surface waiting to get out. Mine is a rock star. From the outside I may look all business, but on the inside I’m all rock ‘n roll. I love music and going to concerts. Especially classic rock and ‘80’s hair bands like Bon Jovi.
When Hubby and I began dating I asked him to join me at a concert; my treat. Isn’t that what liberated women do anymore, ask their guy out? It was a stadium concert, none other than the Rolling Stones, and to me it was the opportunity of a lifetime. These guys have been rocking and partying hard for decades and you never know when they might decide to call it quits. After all, I imagine you can only have so many women throw themselves at you before it gets old.
My expectation for the show was to dress in my finest all-black rock star attire and cut loose, expecting Hubby to do the same. Bad assumption on my part. Here I am, looking every bit the rock goddess. Here comes Hubby, wearing a golf shirt, khakis and white leather gym shoes that were so bright new you needed sunglasses to avoid the glare. I didn’t say a word. At the stadium, Hubby went to purchase beverages while I ran into the ladies room. Stepping out of the restroom, I cringed as I saw Hubby’s new look: he had two sets of binoculars strapped across his chest, one on the left and one on the right, holding drinks and hot dogs, looking more like a tourist at Disney than a concertgoer. Words jumped out before I could stop them as I hissed, “Take off those binoculars and be COOL! This is the Rolling Stones!” Ouch. I still wince at the words.
Apparently I underestimated Hubby’s inner persona. On our next date (yes, he did ask me out again despite my outburst) I opened the door to find Hubby leaning against the wall wearing a skin-tight t-shirt, jeans, a leather jacket and sunglasses, with an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. “Am I cool enough for you now?” he asked. Point: Hubby. And I knew I had met my match.
Most of the time I try to repress my inner rock star, but sometimes she just has to come out – like at concerts. This is fine, since my inner rock star is only a small part of who I am. My day-to-day personality is much more important and needs to be front and center. My inner rock star is fine with this arrangement.
Suppressing my inner rock star is easy. Suppressing my personality – who I am – is not. Especially at work. I’m confident, creative, intelligent, passionate, logical, funny, straightforward and assertive. I’m a thinker who’s not afraid to make decisions, although I enjoy working as a team for the good of the group and the project. I value those who work for me and will support them as they learn and grow. Ninety-nine percent of the time, my personality is an asset in the workplace.
Every once in a while, I find that others want me to suppress my personality and be something I’m not. They want me to be a shrinking Violet, or a passive Patty, or simply accept decisions that are detrimental to the team or company without at least pointing out alternate solutions. I’ve been criticized for wanting to – in a nice way, of course – ask a question of a colleague. I’m not exactly sure why asking a question that may help me better understand a situation to develop a solution could be detrimental, but some think it is.
I’ve suppressed my personality before and can do it easily for short periods. But over the long-haul this is not a good situation. I become frustrated, which doesn’t help anyone, especially me. It’s important that I work in an environment that allows me to be “me”. My inner rock star may retreat during business hours as long as my personality is allowed to shine. It’s essential to who I am.
As I look at new opportunities, I’m going to allow my personality to take center stage. If the company doesn’t like the “real” me, then maybe it’s not the right gig. And if she’s lucky, I may let my inner rock star make a brief appearance during the interview too. As long as she promises not to outshine me. Rock on!
© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved
Like Tami, I was terminated once (By my best friend, BTW – he is now on the board of the agency I lead, so I got him back – ha!), but you don’t have to be unemployed to learn something from this book. 
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