I Want to Know It All

It’s important that we each understand our areas of expertise as well as our limitations.  This is not something I’m happy about.  I want to be good at everything I touch.  Some of this comes from upbringing.  As a kid I was taught to rely on myself, especially when it came to school.  My parents empathized with my workload and tougher subjects like math and science, yet were not really helpful if I needed coaching outside the classroom.  Quizzing me on memorized lists was one thing; anything with numbers and mom and dad would just smile sympathetically and leave me to figure it out.

As an adult, this has served me well at times, yet can also be a hindrance.  Much to my dismay, I’ve discovered that it’s really impossible to know how to do everything.  I get frustrated when I don’t understand a concept or have to rely on others who know more about a certain subject.  I simply want to know how to do everything.

What I’m trying to admit is that I’m somewhat of a control freak.  There; I said it.  Hubby is nearly hysterical with laughter.  “Somewhat? That’s the understatement of the century!”   If my eyes could burn something with one look, Hubby would not be laughing so hard.  Even the dog knows this; she’s tucked her tail and headed for the safety of her crate.

Nowhere is my frustration more evident than when it comes to computer issues.  Growing up on the cusp of computers breaking into daily life, I didn’t get the luxury of learning these skills as a child.  Now I have to rely on computer experts to tell me what needs to be done.

Which leads me to today.  I’ve got a super smart computer guy helping me with some web development work – basically cleaning up some behind-the-scenes stuff to make it move faster and optimized for SEO (my knowledge of this concept is so sketchy that I’m not even sure what I just said is correct).  Computer guy sent a very detailed recap of his findings for me to review.  I steeled myself as I opened his document, telling myself, “You can do this; you’re smart enough, you’re good enough, and doggone it, people like you”.

Basically what I learned is that I have the comprehension skills of a five year old when it comes to computers.  His technical explanations may as well have been written in an ancient Mayan language.  “We need to duplicate the H1’s to the X1’s, then erase the A5’s to direct the traffic through the indirect Z2 portal.  As you know, you never want your A5’s mingling with the X1’s.”  After about page three I threw up my hands and frustration set in.  I became irritated with myself because I felt like I should know all of this.

Once I calmed down and thought about this situation, it occurred to me that it’s okay not to be an expert in everything.  After all, CEO’s are not experts in everything. They know their limitations and adapt by asking the right questions and hiring the right people who are qualified.

My super smart computer guy can rest easy, knowing that I will never take his job since computer programming will never be one of my strengths.  That’s okay; I think I like the role of CEO better anyway.