The Sport of Shopping

“Listen to this”, I said to Hubby while reading the Sunday paper at our favorite coffee spot.  The article listed a number of unusual interview questions that candidates had reported answering.  I started reading the list out loud to Hubby.  “What three things would you take to a desert island?”  “If you had to describe yourself as a breakfast cereal, what kind would you be?” and “Are you a hunter or a gatherer?”

“Well, at least the last one’s easy! “ I said.  “I’m a hunter.”

Hubby let out a loud snort.  “Since when? You practically wrote the definition of gatherer! ”

I’ve been told this hunter-gatherer comparison goes back to prehistoric times, when it was the cave man’s business to hunt and the cave woman’s business to gather – or something like that.  In today’s world, a gatherer is the last thing a business woman wants to be called.

Shocked at this blatant disrespect for my keen business acumen, of course I became defensive.  My insides were screaming, my stilettos were stomping as if to say, “I am too a hunter!” But I tried to stay poised and focused.

Instead, I started listing the reasons why I’m a hunter.  That’s what we hunter’s do, right?  We stay calm. We identify the problem, quickly outline solutions and make a decision.  Ready, aim, fire!

Hubby tried to soothe me.  “I agree that you’re a good businessperson; I’m just saying that you like to gather all the information first.  Just like you do when you go shopping; you want to make sure you’ve seen all the options before making a purchase decision. That’s why I can go to the grocery store much more quickly and efficiently than you can,” he smiled, and went back to reading the sports.

Shopping is my forte – talk about being an expert!  If shopping were an Olympic sport I’d have at least one gold medal. We sat in silence, although I’m not sure Hubby was aware of the storm brewing.

Determined to prove him wrong, I volunteered to go to Sam’s for our weekly shopping.   While it wasn’t a business situation, I was determined to show him that I was indeed a hunter.  Chicken, toilet paper and dog treats; I estimated in and out in fifteen minutes, even if I stopped to taste the food samples along the way.

Arriving at the store sans Hubby, I started out quickly, heading towards the chicken when something colorful down a side aisle caught my eye. Several women were gathered around.   My cart veered toward the colors before I knew what happened.

It was an awesome “special purchase” of designer tote bags, one of those rare finds that required quick action or they would be gone before you knew it.  Quickly determining the best colors, I snatched two for my cart and left the melee that was ensuing, figuring I could find a calmer aisle to choose a color.

I decided to keep moving while pondering the colors, and in a moment of shopping brilliance I pulled out my smart phone.  Suddenly I was “Super Gatherer”, scouring different sites for information and offers on the same tote bag.  Up and down the aisles I went, comparing offers and available colors, the sample ladies fueling me with snacks along the way.

Hubby called, wondering where I was.  “You’re still at the store?” he exclaimed. “What happened? Are you okay?”  

Kind of hard to explain that I’m a hunter, not a gatherer, when I had spent the past forty-five minutes roaming the store with two tote bags in my cart, eating free snacks, while I surfed the web for a better deal on the same item.

It was the snacks, I tell you!  They are evil.

Making my decision, I quickly checked out and headed for home, pulling into the garage at the same time as Hubby.

“Show me this special tote bag”, he said, knowing better than to say anything about the time spent.

“It’s the perfect color”, I gushed.  “You’ll love it when it gets here this week – I decided to order one in a different color online.”

Hubby shook his head and went inside.  In his “hunter” world, he would have seen the item, decided it was a good value, selected a color from those available, paid for the item and left the store.

Well, all I’ve got to say is there’s not much sport in that now, is there?