The Most Difficult Part of Networking Is Leaving The House

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business cards

“Networking group meets at 11:30; see you there!” 

I stared at the email and contemplated my options.  Should I go to the one-hour networking lunch or stay home and concentrate on my to-do list?

The easy choice was to stay in my home office and keep working.

The more difficult choice was to pick myself up, get ready, grab some business cards and go to the lunch meeting.

After all, it was already 10:30 and I was still in my morning-walk-the-dog outfit.  Make-up was questionable. My to-do list for clients was a mile-long.  I wasn’t looking for a job; I had good clients and lots of work to keep me busy.

Besides, this was a new networking group and I really didn’t know anyone.  Okay, I sort of knew the leader of the group.  We both attended the same high school way-back-when and had reconnected on social media.

But was seeing an old friend to have lunch enough incentive to leave the comfort of my home office? Aside from my friend, I wouldn’t know anyone at the meeting.

I tried to convince myself that attending was a good thing; something I had done hundreds of times before at various events.  I knew how to mingle and make small talk.  This would only be an hour of my life.

How hard could it be?

Networking can be one of the most difficult things we do. Even for an outgoing social-butterfly like me.

In fact, if I wasn’t so outgoing and social, I can see how easy it would be to never attend a networking event. Ever.

It’s hard to go to these things alone.  Thoughts that ran through my mind included:

“What will I say?”

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Will I have anything of value to contribute?”

“Maybe it’s a waste of time.”

“Maybe I should wait until another day when I’m better prepared.”

Geez, I can talk my way out of anything.  Like most of us can, I suspect.

And this was coming from someone who is skilled at networking.  Someone who writes about this subject; who coaches others on the finer points of networking; who understands the importance of building and maintaining your network.

Then it hit me. I suddenly realized that if I was having difficulty attending a one-hour networking lunch, imagine how some of my clients must feel?

My energy kicked in as I got dressed in my best business-casual outfit, touched up my make-up, grabbed a stack of business cards and hopped in the car.

Driving towards the meeting, I quickly outlined my goals.  Introduce myself to at least five people.  Come home with at least five business cards.  I rehearsed my thirty-second elevator speech about my business.

You know what?  It wasn’t hard at all.

The group was small and welcomed me.  We each had a chance to introduce ourselves and tell a little about ourselves.  Unlike other networking groups I had attended, everyone here was actually working.

I met my goals. 

As I left, I promised myself I would return for another meeting as well as get out to other groups. The only way to meet people is to leave the house. Duh!

Added bonus: One of the people I met needed my expertise for a job he was bidding and contacted me for help.  Who knows? This could translate into more business for me.

The lesson for all of us is this: No matter where we are in our career, we must continue to network.

Whether you work in an office or from home, get outside of your normal routine and expand your horizons to add names to your digital rolodex. The most difficult part of networking is leaving the house.

Besides, you have to eat lunch anyway.  May as well be productive while doing so.

Invest In Your Career Future

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Bride Holding Bouquet

Hubby and I just celebrated our wedding anniversary.  It’s been an awesome fifteen years!  Or wait, is it twenty?  No, maybe seventeen.  Let’s see: 2014, minus 1996, equals eighteen.

Stop laughing – it’s hard to remember when you’re as happy as I am!  Gotta admit that was a good save.

Truth be told, it seems like it was just yesterday that I was walking down the aisle.

Hubby and I have a ritual each year on our anniversary: we watch the videos from the big day.

Thank goodness for our friend with the new camera who took the video; it’s one of our most prized possessions. Especially since the whole event is a blur to us; it’s the only way we actually get to see what happened.

That said, I do remember a lot about my wedding day.  Being insanely happy, for one thing.  My niece was adorable at the age of five, always at my side.  My then three-year-old nephew made a mad dash down the aisle after us as we exited the church – awesome.

I remember my friend who helped me get ready.  Later that night I discovered she’d been mischievous too and had dumped a couple pounds of rice in my suitcase.  Nice.  I still owe her for that one.

There were touching moments as well.  I remember Dad handing me a card from his mother – my Italian grandmother – who passed away some years earlier.  On the envelope was her handwriting that said, “For Tami on Her Wedding Day”.  Inside was a card she had picked out, with a fifty-dollar bill.

I bawled.

Dad explained that he had wanted to take that money and invest it; mom said no, leave it alone.  I thanked him and put it away, awed that grandma had planned enough to leave this for me.

Eighteen years later and guess what?  I still have that card, with the same fifty dollar bill.

Sentimental, yes.  But not the wisest move on my part.

If I had taken that fifty dollar bill and invested it, I would probably have around two-hundred dollars now, more than doubling my money.

Honestly, over the years I thought about this many times.  But fifty dollars?  It seemed insignificant, an amount too small to bother with.  I had more important things to worry about and I just forgot, or procrastinated, or both.

I was wrong.  It was not too small.  Investing that seemingly small amount would have been an investment in my future. 

Same is true with our careers.  We think that “little things” aren’t going to make an impact on our jobs.

Why take a class that doesn’t directly impact our current work?  Why spend time and money to attend industry or alumni events when we are so busy?  Why spend time staying in touch with all of those business contacts we’ve made throughout the years, especially if we don’t have business with them today?

Because investing today – even in seemingly insignificant ways – can payoff big-time later on.

Staying in touch with business colleagues is simple networking.  Industry and alumni organizations allow us to actually expand our network while potentially learning something new. Taking a class is never a bad thing; if it’s business-related, it’s a resume builder and could help land our next job.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day things that we forget to take time to plan for the future.  Or maybe we just procrastinate, because that’s easier to do than thinking and strategizing and doing.

The time to invest in your career future is now.  Every little step, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is a positive step.

Even I’m jumping on this bandwagon, taking a class that may help me down the road.  I know it won’t hurt, that’s for sure.

It’s nice that I still have the fifty dollar bill grandma left for me.  Yet I’m sure she would have wanted me to move forward and do something with that money rather than save it in a drawer.

Let’s invest in our future now, while we can, rather than look back and wish we’d done it sooner.   Our future selves will be so happy.

Goodbye, Blockbuster!

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photo

There are times when the sun, moon and stars all align in perfect combination, a time when things go just right.  It could be a chance meeting with that special someone; the day on the golf course with the unbelievable hole-in-one; the too-good-to-be-true designer handbag bargain that makes you the envy of friends.

It’s kind of like having the much sought-after “it” factor on American Idol.  There’s really no preparation for this, and when someone asks about it you can’t explain it.

A few of us are fortunate enough to experience such celestial alignment during our career, and I count myself lucky to be one of those people.

As with most things, I didn’t realize how great it was until it was over.  I accepted the job because it was a good opportunity with a major brand.  We were a tight-knit group despite being a large corporation.  Lots of smart people who liked to have fun at work too.  Didn’t matter that we worked long hours; we enjoyed our jobs and working together.  It was awesome.

I’ve moved on to other things now and haven’t worked at the company in a few years, yet it’s hitting me hard to see the “Store Closing” signs on one of the few remaining locations.  I went inside for one last walk down memory lane.

A mix of emotions came flooding over me.  While the décor had a garage-sale vibe, in my mind I pictured walking through a beautifully decorated store with the executive team as we discussed our ideas for a new promotion.  I remembered that every Tuesday was exciting because new movies arrived.  Real excitement came with the midnight release parties when people would line up for hours to be the first to purchase a new movie or game.

Or when a star would come to the corporate office and we could have pictures taken.  I remember one such star arrived with a dog. The dog decided to explore the office on his own and wound up at my desk.  A bit smelly and slobbery, but it was a nice distraction.

Friends and industry leaders laughed at the company and our desire to work there.  The movie industry that we supported even poked fun – who can forget the film “Be Kind, Rewind”? Sometimes it was tough to hold our heads up, but we did.  They didn’t understand the “it” factor we all knew about.  

It was an unusual business in many ways.  When bad news or bad weather came, our business boomed.  Amazing that people who were unable to drive to work due to all kinds of weather could somehow make it to our stores for movies and popcorn.

I know what you’re thinking.  Who cares? It was just a job with an outdated business model.  Besides, everything is digital nowadays.

Things may be digital – which, by the way, the company offered – yet so much of the experience can’t be replicated through digital means.  And as a work place, we were family.

Was this the only good place to work?  Of course not! There are other great companies out there with awesome teams and cultures.  I just hope wherever you are, that you’ll take a moment to look around and be thankful for whatever it is your current company offers as an “it” factor.

Goodbye, Blockbuster!  Sad to see you go, old friend.

Waiting For The Perfect Job

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cool seat

We just returned from a week on the island of Oahu.  Hubby had a business trip and timing was perfect for me to take vacation.  Hawaii was everything I imagined it would be: sunshine, beautiful beaches, warm temperatures and scenery that could take your breath away.  And it was great to escape the early blast of cold, rainy weather at home. 

There’s an area along the north shore of Oahu called the Banzai Pipeline.  It’s where the biggest waves are; perfect for hard-core professional surfers.  So Hubby and I decided to check it out.

Timing is everything, and we were lucky. Waves were in the medium to high range by island standards.  The water was comfortable and the sun was shining.  There were a lot of surfers waiting to catch the big one. We had to fight for positioning, it was so crowded.

OK, so we were fighting for a position on the beach to watch the pros.  I hate to disappoint, but Hubby and I are professional surfboard watchers, not competitors.  Truth be told, we hate getting sand in our suits and the salt water burns our eyes, not to mention we are both afraid of sharks.  But if looking cool while watching from the comfort of a beach chair was part of the competition, then we would have national ranking.

We were mesmerized by the patience of the surfers.  Once out in the water, they all sat in a line on their boards, watching the water toward the horizon.  So much time passed I thought they were looking for Captain Jack Sparrow, or perhaps they had simply forgotten why they were there.

Every once in a while some – not all – of the surfers would turn their boards toward shore and start to paddle as a wave magically appeared just behind them.   A few of these would actually ride the wave in while the rest let it pass.   Apparently there’s some sort of pecking order when it comes to who gets to ride the wave, since not everyone rode at the same time.

And most simply sat; scanning the horizon and waiting.

Hubby and I wondered why the surfers weren’t taking the opportunity to ride the mediocre to good waves as they came.  It appeared they were waiting for the “perfect” wave; the one that would take them into the record books; the one they would talk about long after their surfing days were over.

That logic seemed flawed to us.  Shouldn’t they have tried to ride the waves that were coming, to get experience so they were ready for the “big one”?  Some of the surfers spent more time waiting than actually riding, which means they weren’t really surfing.  They were sitting, just like me and Hubby.

This “surfer logic” is similar to what I’ve seen when it comes to job searches.  Many of us are like surfers, waiting for the perfect job to come along before submitting our resume.  And this line of thinking is flawed.

First, we could wait for weeks or months or even longer before seeing a job that meets our “perfect” criteria.  Second, there will always be tons of other candidates waiting for that same opportunity, which means we may not get an interview.  Third, if we get an interview, we may not get an offer.

Even if we make it through the interview process and get an offer, there’s another thing to consider:  the job opportunity that we’ve been waiting for patiently, the one we’ve identified as the ”big one”, may turn out to be a huge disappointment.  Instead of the “big one” it may be the “dud”.

As much as I would love to sit and wait for the perfect job, it’s in my best interest to try for those that at least look promising.  Even if I don’t get an offer or if I decide to turn something down, I’ve gotten more experience under my belt so I’m ready when the right one comes along.

Note that I said “right one”, not “perfect one”.   There are good things about every job and the experience gained is invaluable.

The surfers we were watching were pros; they had perfected their skill to know exactly which wave to catch to get a winning score.  In the real world of desk jobs and cubicles, most of us are still working on our careers and sometimes need to take a less-than-perfect job to get additional experience.  Even those of us who are seasoned veterans know the importance of constantly adding new skills to our resume to stay marketable.

I’m sure the surfers we saw would tell job seekers to “Go for it, man” and “Hang loose”.   Translation: Submit your resume; what have you got to lose?

Love Me; Love My Personality

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Box with a Hamburger and French Fries

My first job outside of babysitting was at McDonalds.  It was a dream job for me at that time in my life – a teenager working at a fast-food restaurant, with free meals.  Heaven!

My biggest challenge at this job, aside from the fact that I was not even five feet tall and looked like I was twelve, was that I was shy and unsure of myself. McDonalds needed outgoing and confident. 

In an attempt to mold me into the model employee, the manager had me stand a good distance back from the register watching for the front door to open.  As soon as a customer set one foot in the door, I had to shout, “Welcome to McDonalds! May I take your order?” 

While no one was particularly upset with this aggressive approach, I did encounter a few snickers as customers were hoping to actually get inside before being pressured into making a burger decision that could affect the rest of their day.

At my first job out of grad school, I had to learn to become even more decisive and assertive as I took charge of my department.

Neither of these jobs really changed my personality – I actually already had it in me; I just needed the confidence to find my voice.

And find my voice I did.  As I gained experience and matured, my personality came out of its shell.  Gone is the girl who was too shy to say much in the halls at high school, letting others take the lead;  she’s been replaced with a woman who is not afraid to introduce herself to strangers, state her opinions, take charge and make decisions.

Those who know me now think I’ve always been this way, shouting hamburger greetings to customers before they step in the door.

My confident and assertive personality characteristics have served me well in life as well as my career.  In fact it’s one of the reasons I am hired.

Yet there are times when I feel pressure to modify my personality – especially at work – in an attempt to match the expectations of others.  Those around me want my personality and all that comes with it; they just want it to appear only when it serves them best.

I’ve got to say that this doesn’t work for me.  And believe me, I’ve tried.  It’s as though what makes me “me” is valued only as long as it can be tweaked

In this day and age it seems like everyone wants a lukewarm personality; one that’s neither hot nor cold, but watered down.  More passive than assertive; one that’s always trying to say or do or be what others expect of them.

That’s like walking on eggshells to me, trying to figure out the right words for fear of being received the wrong way.   The result?  At best, unclear communications; at worst, employees who are afraid of being themselves and showing their true personality.

Why can’t we just be ourselves, with the personality package that the employer wanted in the first place? You know, “Love me, love my personality”?

I started noticing this trend some years ago and hoped it was just the company I was at or possibly a phase.  Unfortunately it’s becoming the norm.

Not sure if it’s the result of the millennial generation who never heard the word “no”, with every person receiving praise and a trophy no matter how poorly they performed, or if it’s just our culture evolving because we are too afraid to say what we mean (in an appropriate tone, of course) for fear of being politically “incorrect”.

Whatever it is, I long for the days of direct communication without fear.  How great would it be to know that it’s okay to be stern, happy, serious, excited, frustrated, and even, if the situation warrants, mad, at the office?  

Like my first job at McDonald’s, it’s time to remove the gloves and allow everyone to show off their true personalities.

Maybe we’d rediscover clear communication if we were allowed to express ourselves.  Wouldn’t that be something?

Never Give Up: A Lesson From Animal House

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Stressed

One of my favorite movies of all time is Animal House.  I have watched this movie so many times that I can recite almost the entire movie from memory.

It’s one of those all-too-rare films that figured out the right formula of cast, story and inappropriateness to make a truly funny movie that is as relevant today as it was the day it opened at the box office.  Anyone who has been to college can relate to the antics of the Delta House fraternity brothers simply trying to have as much fun as possible while getting an education.

Okay, they weren’t really trying too hard on the academic front, but that’s why it’s so funny. 

The late John Belushi played a lead character named Bluto who lived college on the edge, not a care in the world, sort of rabble-rouser who was always at the center of trouble – usually as a leader.   The group wreaks so much havoc on campus that eventually the fraternity is stripped of its association with the university.  Reality comes crashing down on Bluto and his pals as university officials take possession of everything in the fraternity house.

Sitting in an empty frat house, everyone is completely down in the dumps as they realize that the partying is over.  While the fraternity members are lamenting their fate saying, “It’s over; there’s nothing else we can do”, Bluto, in a rare moment of true leadership, stands up to give an incorrect yet invigorating speech.

“Over? It’s not over!  Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

His well-intentioned speech is so passionate that the entire fraternity is energized into action, taking control of what they can.  The message was: Never Give Up.

We won’t go into the chaos that ensued due to this passion.  Rent the movie to see for yourself.

I was thinking about Bluto’s speech recently.  Overwhelmed with so much to do – career, writing, mentoring and family – it was like I hit a road block and could not figure out how to manage everything.  Everything was caving in on me with no escape.  So intense were my feelings that I could not think of a solution to turn things around.   It felt like I was sitting in the ill-fated Delta House; with no solution as to how to get out of the mess.

How many of us experience similar feelings throughout our career?  In speaking with friends and colleagues, it seems like this is more common that we’d like to believe.

Sometimes we feel trapped in a job, with no way out.  Other times we can’t figure out how to find the positive in a situation.  Many times we become mired in negativity; paralyzed and unable to think or move.   We think that there is no viable solution.  So we sit and do nothing; thinking  it’s over.

But it’s not over.  (This is where the “Germans bombing Pearl Harbor” speech comes in) We should never give up.

It’s easy to get lost when we are so close to the problem, isn’t it?  Sometimes what we need is a great impassioned speech – or maybe a swift kick in the rear – to help get us back on track.  We can either do it ourselves by taking two giant steps back from the situation to think about whatever the real problem is, or we can enlist the help of a friend who is objective enough to help point us in the right direction.

Hubby did this for me as we walked the dog.  Close enough to care about me but objective enough to not get caught up in the details; he was able to look at the problem differently than I had been.  And it was immensely helpful.

Just like Bluto’s plea in Animal House, Hubby’s speech was passionate, offering a unique plan of action that I had not thought of myself.   He reminded me to never give up; that it’s not “over”.

And luckily, Hubby knows his history, so I didn’t have to listen to a well-intentioned but incorrect history lesson.   Although such a speech would have made me laugh.

Things I’ve Learned About Being a Good Manager

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Office space pic

My first job out of grad school was working for a great retailer, arguably the best in the world.  The program for incoming “newbies” was nothing short of militant, except it was more fashionable.  Thank goodness for that; I always did prefer Armani over camouflage.

Expectations were beyond high. I remember thinking that grad school was like kindergarten in comparison.  If you’ve seen “The Devil Wears Prada”, you have a sense of what the program was like.

We had a few weeks of boot camp that included a mixture of classroom and hands-on learning, all designed to engross us in the company culture and ways, lest we had any ideas of trying to do something new.

Once we were deemed acceptable enough to stay, the real learning began.  Basically it was a sink-or-swim situation.  You either figured it out or you were gone, as we were reminded daily.   Harsh, I know, but in such an uber-competitive environment what else would you expect?  More than 3,000 applicants each year tried to get in; less than 100 were accepted.

Was it stressful?  All I can say is that it was during this time I had to start coloring my hair.  In my early twenties. Okay, gray hair could be genetic but I’m pretty sure stress had something to do with it.

While this sounds awful to many, I have to say that it was the best business training I could have had.  We were empowered; given the authority that went along with the responsibilities of the position.  Yes, we made mistakes and sometimes they were career-threatening.  But who can argue with getting to make million-dollar decisions on a daily basis – in your twenties?

Something that stands out to me from this experience is that all managers were tasked with developing those working under them.  If your employees were not considered promotable, in many cases the fault was placed on the manager for not preparing them to take the next step.   It was during my tenure at the company that I learned what it means to be a manager.

Being a manager is a tough job.  To be honest, it’s much easier just to work alone. I’ve worked with and for good managers, as well as not-so-good managers, and downright bad managers.

Here are some things I learned about being a good, if not great, manager:

–          Communicate clearly with instructions, expectations, goals – I cannot emphasize this enough

–          Allow for mistakes by your team. Remember that you had to learn at one point, and mistakes are bound to happen – it’s how you recover and learn from the mistake that’s important

–          Don’t be afraid to make a mistake yourself

–          Accept input, yet never lose sight that you are responsible for all outcomes – ultimately, the manager has to make the decision

–          Listening is more important that talking

–          Give directions, not orders

–          Make necessary decisions.  Lack of decision-making leads to uncertainty, which in turn leads to frustration for all.

–          Be approachable and friendly, without losing sight of the fact that you are the boss

–          Be honest in all that you do – your business practice, your treatment of others and yourself

–          Remember, this is not a popularity contest – sometimes the right decision for the business and team is not a popular one

You can command respect by your actions; you can’t demand respect by your words

Am I a great manager?  I’d like to think so, but I don’t know – you’ll have to ask my team.  What I do know is that I try very hard.  I’m not afraid to listen or accept help from those under my care. I’m willing to make the tough decisions that may not win me friends.  Yet at the end of the day, I can sleep knowing that I did the right thing for the business as well as the team.

Sometimes I may not be the most popular, but I hope at least that I’m respected.  That’s my ultimate goal.