Busting the Myth of Work-Life Balance

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Work life balanceI’m back! It’s good to be here. It’s been a longggg time. I’ve missed you, and this, working on my blog. So much has happened.

Let’s dive right in to something that’s been on my mind. You may be able to relate.

Work-life balance. Ever heard of it?

Maybe you read an article outlining how to achieve “work-life balance”. Or perhaps your job search goal was to find a position that would provide “work-life balance”.

I must tell you I seriously dislike the phrase, and here’s why:

Not only is it a myth; it’s a flat-out lie.

I think we – especially women – have been fed a line of bull when it comes to thinking we can somehow “have it all” in life.

Seriously. How is it possible to find true “balance” between career and home, at least by conventional standards?

Consider this: To have balance, two things must always be equal. All. The. Time.

Given that our work life and home life are not created equal to begin with, achieving balance between the two is doomed from the start.

Think about it: sometimes work will be crazy-busy, with a multi-million-dollar project and multiple deadlines. It will take every minute of every day, plus overtime to bring the project in on-time. You will do it because, well, that’s what it takes.

What about home?  The “balance pendulum” has shifted toward the office. There is no “balance” at home right now.

The good news is, the “balance pendulum” will swing back. That’s what a pendulum does; it swings back and forth.  At some point, home will require more of your attention and, mercifully, work will be calm enough to give you the time you need.

Pendulum shift, you know.

Some days it works beautifully. Others, not so much. On those days, it sucks.

If you call this, “work-life balance”, so be it.

I’d rather call this, “Work-Life Integration”.

It’s career and life. Not a balance, per se; more of an ebb and flow. Sometimes we focus more on career; sometimes we focus more on home. Most of the time, we try to weave both together to the best of our abilities.

Technology and flexible schedules provide for this work-life integration, making it easier to catch a child’s afternoon recital, assist aging parents, or meet with a home maintenance person. We can shift office productivity to after hours from virtually any location on our laptops. Again, integration vs. balance, since we’re still doing the work – and in many cases, actually working longer hours.

It’s important for each of us to recognize and understand that career and home are not equal. They will never be equal, on any given day or week.

As career women and men, together with our partners and spouses, we must determine how best to work through the ins and outs of integrating work with home; home with work.

The good news?

I believe it’s possible to be successful at work and at home. It’s not easy. It takes determination and hard work, as well as an understanding that personal compromises may have to happen both at home and on the career front.

Work-life integration. It’s not about balance. It’s about career and home simply working in tandem.

Mindfulness In The Face Of Technology. Or Why I Hate Steve Jobs.

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Sunset

Every summer Hubby and I take a week-long vacation with one intention, one sole purpose: to relax and unwind from our normally stressful, busy lives.

To be clear, we love our lives. It’s just that the day-to-day stresses build up.  We try to counteract stress with daily gym sessions, but sometimes work or life gets in the way.

We look forward to this vacation all year long. In this case, it had been one year since we had taken a vacation.

There was a lot of pressure on this summer sabbatical, to say the least.

And we were SO looking forward to it! Meeting our friends at the resort, lounging by the pool, golfing, visiting the spa, reading, eating and basically doing nothing more strenuous than asking the cabana boy to refill our water pitcher.

Most importantly, reconnecting with each other. Funny how two people can get so busy that you need to take time out to connect again on a deeper level, with conversations more meaningful than “Did the dog poop?” and “Not rotisserie chicken again!”

Which leads me to explain this year’s vacation, theme: “Mindfulness”. Being fully present and engaged in what you are doing and where you are; not on something else.

Everything was planned and we were ready to go and be Mindful.

Then a family situation necessitated a date change, and the dog sitter wasn’t available for the new dates, and suddenly our luxurious week-plus vacation was truncated to a four night get-away.

Life has a way of messing with the best plans.

By the time we actual left, I was a basket-case; a bundle of stressed-out nerves from all that had happened.

Even so, I was determined to practice “mindfulness”.

  • Driving away from the airport, I had to remind myself to put away my iPhone and look at the scenery. That’s when stress test number one came: out of nowhere a rock hit our windshield. No cars anywhere, we did not drive under a bridge, the road was smooth. It literally fell from the sky.
  • I was mindful of that rock.
  • There was a brief encounter at check-in that almost had me call the manager, but I refrained, trying to be mindful of the beauty of our favorite resort.
  • Then I became mindful that I had left my pool things – hat, sunglasses, and tote bag – at home.  Sigh.
  • We finally made it to a cabana and Hubby’s iPhone went off with work-related issues.  Of this I was VERY mindful.

“Steve Jobs ruined my life!” he blurted out.  “I can’t even take a minute of vacation anymore, because I’m ALWAYS connected and someone can ALWAYS find me, thanks to him.”

This led to a discussion of why we brought phones to the pool in the first place.  (We needed them for selfies, doh!)

A bigger discussion followed, of my stress from the recent family emergency, my work, Hubby’s work, our geriatric, semi-blind dog that has a little doggie dementia, and suddenly I was in tears.  In the cabana.

I was mindful of those tears. And not in a good way; this was not how vacation was supposed to be.

Determined to get back on track, and not let Mr. Jobs’ invention control us, we started over.

And things improved each day.

Mindfulness is not easy to practice. We had to work at it each day, remembering to think about where we were, what we doing, to put down the iPhones and really engage with life and each other.

Hubby did have to answer a few emails; I did have to respond to a couple of texts about the dog and family matters.  The rest of the time we tried to limit our posting of photos or using the phones at all.

By the time we left we were reluctant to pick up our old habits of being constantly connected, as Steve Jobs intended.  We appreciate his devices and what they can do for us, but we realize that by being constantly tuned in, we have tuned out so much.

So that’s why I hate Steve Jobs, for making a device so powerful that we have lost our true personal connection.   We need to be mindful of our time spent with it and not let it control us.