(Today is a departure from my usual humor. Bear with me; this means a lot to me.)
Here I am, sitting on the sidelines. A spectator at an event I don’t wish to attend. None of us want to be here yet here we are, smiling, trying to be supportive. People move in and out, some we know and some we don’t know, in a slow dance to which the steps are unknown. Words usually come easy for me yet now they fail me. I have nothing to say; there are no words.
Funerals are never easy. This one is particularly difficult for so many reasons. The young life that tragically ended way too soon; my friend, the young widow and her baby that are left behind; the realization that my life, like hers, could be changed in an instant. And I sit on the sidelines, no words to be found.
Unfortunately death is not new to me. However, I feel this one more deeply than even my own father’s. This one has touched something deep in my soul. My heart thumps louder than normal, almost out of my chest. My mind is restless, unable to think of anything but my friend. Time seems to move slowly and at the same time rapidly. I am heartbroken for her.
Usually I’m in charge. I’m the one people look to for direction, to handle tough situations. My friend needs me now, needs me to be the one to take care of things. I’m trying to push my feelings aside in order to help yet a cloud is following me, clogging my mind, and I can’t seem to emerge from the fog. I can’t fix this. Not this time. And I have no words.
I know what’s to come in the following minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years. Time suddenly moves slowly, yet it moves on. We all have to move forward even though we don’t want to. I want to shout from the highest mountain, asking the universe to stop and give us time. Yet it keeps going.
Sitting on the sidelines, I understand that we will, eventually, be peaceful again. At some point we will have happy thoughts and conversations that don’t dwell on today. But I am impatient since there are no words; I want that time to be now, without the journey laid out before us.
I will get up from the sidelines and help my friend. That’s best for her and it’s best for me. Still, there are no words.
Like Tami, I was terminated once (By my best friend, BTW – he is now on the board of the agency I lead, so I got him back – ha!), but you don’t have to be unemployed to learn something from this book. 
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