Recently I learned a new skill: how to mow the lawn. That’s not a big deal for many people; in fact I bet most would love to NOT know how to mow the lawn just to get out of doing so.
Yet for me it was monumental. Something I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid.
Dad never allowed me to mow the lawn, saying it was too dangerous. Or I was too small. Or the lawnmower was too big for me to push and besides, it would eat me up.
Whatever the reason, it was one more in a series of “You can’t because….” that I heard throughout my childhood.
It’s a wonder I can do anything at all since it seems like I was constantly told “You can’t” by well-meaning parents, trying to keep me safe or thinking they were freeing me up to study or have a childhood. Other adults chimed in to the “She Can’t” chorus along the way: she can’t reach that, she can’t handle that, she won’t make the team, etc.
In their misguided attempts to protect me from whatever, the only think I heard was “Can’t”.
Ouch. That word can be pretty damaging, if you let it.
It can make you to truly believe you are unable to do something. It can bring in fear and doubt and a host of other irrational feelings that mess with your head.
Mowing the lawn was one of those “can’t’s” dad was adamant about. I guess he truly believed I might get sucked up into the lawnmower, and having to remove my carcass was something he just couldn’t bear. Since I was the ultimate responsible child, this was really an irrational fear.
It felt great to finally power up a lawn mower and move back and forth across the grass. It was harder than anticipated due to all the sticks and ruts from the uneven surface of the vacant lot I was trying to mow.
Not to mention that Hubby neglected to tell me our mower is not “self-propelled”. He said this would make me stronger. Whatever.
As I pushed the mower I thought about growing up, listening to people tell me “you can’t”. It’s a wonder I ever accomplished anything.
Until this moment I’ve never thought about the fact that I’ve persevered in the face of challenge. It’s never occurred to me I can’t do something, despite being told so throughout my life.
- Play the violin, one of the hardest instruments to master? You should really pick something else. Nope, I’m going to play the violin.
- A degree in Engineering? Why not, even though math was far from my best subject nor did I possess a natural aptitude for numbers.
- Write and publish a book? Since when are you a writer and what do you know about publishing? I’ve been told I write well and the book has received great reviews.
- Get a job at a youth-filled agency after a layoff and at your age? Have you lost your mind as well as your job? No one will hire you! Guess what; they hired me. Boom!
It never enters my mind that I can’t do something. I may not have the answer right away or I may not be able to do it all on my own, yet with a little education or research or even help from a friend, I’ve always been able to find a way to make it work.
When it comes to our careers, we all need to stare the word “Can’t” in the face and tell it to “Back Off”. Wipe it from your vocabulary; it does you no good to have that kind of negativity around.
Especially during a job search.
You will encounter the word “no” more than the word “yes”; be prepared for it. If well-meaning friends and family try to say you “can’t” for whatever reason, smile and walk away. They are not you; this is your journey; you get to decide what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. It’s not a matter of “can’t”.
I hear the word “can’t” more from clients who are a bit more advanced in their careers and convinced by media or friends and family that “no one” will hire them. Really? Have you spoken to EVERYONE who is in a position to hire someone?
True, experienced older job seekers need to be prepared and present themselves well. That doesn’t mean it’s hopeless, as many would like to believe.
When the word “can’t” comes to mind, ask yourself if you are truly unable or is it simply a challenge to overcome.
With a good strategic plan, perseverance, maybe some new skills and a little help from friends, anything is possible.
Look at me, I’ve got some serious lawn-mowing skills to add to my resume. Next up: edging.
Like Tami, I was terminated once (By my best friend, BTW – he is now on the board of the agency I lead, so I got him back – ha!), but you don’t have to be unemployed to learn something from this book. 
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